


If I Stay...

by aliaslestat



Category: Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon Divergence, Heavy Angst, Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep - Freeform, LITERALLY, M/M, Vanitas is a tool, kinda dubious on all things containing Vanitas, lots of one sided relationships apparently, of all sorts, somewhat parallel to the story line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:50:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4620828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaslestat/pseuds/aliaslestat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being raised and trained by Master Xehanort isn't easy but it was all Vanitas knew. Trapped in a never ending cycle of pain and suffering meant to bring about his full potential by being broken time and time again. There is only so much one body can take though and there is an entire world left to explore but for someone that has only had one home and one purpose, the option to leave has never been made. It would have never crossed Vanitas' mind if things hadn't gotten so extreme but sometimes hands are forced, and sometimes even creatures of darkness run.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't really a complete chapter but I wanted to get it up because I am hella excited to be writing something this angst filled.  
> Warning for this chapter though, there is a scene where Van tosses his cookies but it is brief and it is not terribly detailed. If it squicks you just skip over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Tags and warnings will be added as the story progresses and changes though I have a rough idea of what's going on I havent decided whether or not I want to do some things.

“Fuck! No, stop!” Swearing wasn’t something out of the ordinary for the teen, though he tried to avoid it as the result was always similar, and the resounding slap echoing off the chamber walls and the sting shooting through Vanitas’ skin.

It was just so hard not to mouth off when his Master just would. Not. Stop. All he talked about and went on about was his ‘destiny’ and just blah, blah, blah. Vanitas didn’t even listen anymore. He didn’t care anymore, nothing was working and Ventus had refused to forge the X-blade with him and the lack of cooperation had led to nothing but an extreme amount of pain for the poor teen. Nothing had been achieved and it didn’t look like anything would ever be achieved.

“You are pathetic, Vanitas. You will never amount to anything. All you do is whine.” Xehanort scoffed, dusting his gloves off as though somehow just by touching Vanitas he had dirtied the pristine white fabric.

Vanitas was fuming, teeth grit together as he tried to refrain from cussing again and spewing all sorts of profanities in his general direction. Settling instead for just raging in his head and instead focusing his anger and resentment towards his Master as he picked up that god awful training staff and swung it at him and the sparring match they had been in the middle of resumed.

Dodging, ducking, jumping, trying to get a handle on the fucking teleportation trick so that he could at the very least get behind his Master and land one hit. One, that’s all he wanted but instead he felt the blunt sting of that stick over and over again. Thudding against already dangerously bruised ribs or snapping across his shoulders when he had over extended on an attack. His feet knocked out from under him leaving Vanitas to scramble back up and get out of range before the staff could crack down on him. He was pretty sure at least one of his fingers had been broken when he had lifted a hand to block the staff and he wasn’t too certain that he would even want to look at his ribs once this was done.

“Useless!” Xehanort cried as the poor teen caught the staff up the side of the face, knocking him spinning for a few steps and leaving an angry red welt over his jaw and cheek. The guard along his jawline doing little to stop the damage.

“How do you ever expect to be able to forge anything worth my time when you yourself are not even worth the time I spend on you. Imbecile, stupid child. You deserve nothing.” Xehanort spat advancing on the boy with rage across his features.

“I didn’t ask to be made!” Vanitas shouted back stumbling backwards to try and get away though his ears were still ringing and he couldn’t quite seem to get his feet to go where he wanted them to.

“And yet here you are still wasting my time.” Xehanort growled the staff whistling through the air as he swung it at Vanitas’ feet knocking them clear out from under him and sending him crashing to the ground harder than he had fallen before.

The sensation of falling was unpleasant making his stomach turn in flips and dives until he hit the floor with nothing to break his fall. Skull cracking off the tile and darkness clouding his vision. The sounds of his Masters shouts and calls muffled and fading until there was nothing but that god awful ringing silence that he would have preferred as opposed to having the world crash back down on him.

For a second he couldn’t remember what had happened but a lance of pain through his side as his Masters boot connected to flesh brought him back up to speed quicker than lightning. His body didn’t want to move though even when he demanded it all he could manage was his feet kicking out against the tile failing to cling to anything. Spots danced in his vision as he got himself turned on his side, wishing he hadn’t when another kick landed followed by another and another until he was a whimpering mess devoid of breath and clutching at his stomach curled into a fetal position as he tried his damndest to ward off the attacks with little success.

“S-st-stop, Master…p-please…” He breathed out through tightened throat choked with tears and pain. 

Xehanort just snorted dealing a final blow before he took a step back glaring down at the crumpled disgrace of a creation with hate in those golden eyes.

“Clean yourself up, wretch.” He barked turning on his heel and walking away, soles tip tapping on the tile and Vanitas didn’t even try and move a muscle until they had faded off into nothingness and he was sure he was gone. 

Only then did he crack open his eyes and try to draw a full breath though it didn’t work and he was resigned to short sobbing breaths as he tried to stretch himself back out. He felt his body flush, saliva pooling in his mouth and he struggled to get into a more upright position as his throat tightened and his stomach churned. He was barely able to get up to his hands and knees before his stomach emptied itself onto the floor. Remnants of a half eaten breakfast mingling with the blood already staining the tiles. Hacking like a dog with a bone in its throat until the feeling started to pass and the room stopped spinning enough for him to push himself back. Wavering and falling onto his bottom when he tried to stand and he gave up.

Fresh tears starting to flow down his cheeks and even though he tried not to cry the broken wails still tore themselves from his throat as he looked at the scene before him and the evidence of pain wracking through his body. He didn’t even know what was bleeding but his mouth was full of acid and it felt like he had bitten his tongue. The metallic tang prominent over his gums. Gently padding at his nose with a hand only to bring back fingers coated in red. 

The floor was littered with crimson streaks and his raven hair was matted with the stuff from where he had hit his head. He had to get up though, move, if his Master came back and he was still sitting on the floor sulking he would be in for another hell of a beating and he didn’t think he had it in him to even try and fight back. Not with his vision blurred and his head throbbing. Vanitas didn’t even think he was well equipped enough to make it back to his bedroom, none the less fight anyone at the moment. Still he struggled to his feet waving on unsteady ground before he could stumble to the wall and prop himself against it. Using the cold brickwork as support and leaving dirty streaks in his wake until he was steady enough to stand on his own even though his head was still spinning and he didn’t think he was going to be okay for quite a while.


	2. Chapter II

The halls stretched on forever as he shuffled back to the hole in the wall he had been assigned as a bedroom. Shoving open the door once he got there and slamming it behind him trying to block out the fact that there he was still trapped in this place and that he had gotten the ever loving shit beaten out of him by the man who was supposed to be his care taker. At least the tears had stopped and were beginning to dry over reddened cheeks as he leaned against the sink in the corner of his room. Staring into the mirror above it with disgust as he surveyed the damage that had been done, peeling off the jaw guard and setting it in the sink he dusted his fingers along the thick bruise crossing his cheek wincing slightly as static like tendrils of pain shot through him. He was going to need a shower and rest to heal up the wounds he already knew were coating his body from top to bottom but he didn’t want to walk to the bathroom down the hall.

His body felt like it was held down by weights and his legs were trembling simply from standing but the blood clotting his nose and drying along his face and in his hair made Vanitas pull himself away from the mirror. Wiping his bloodshot eyes with the back of his hand as he grabbed his towel off the back of the chair and made his way back out into the hall and towards the bathroom. At least he was starting to get his balance back and it didn’t seem to be such a terrible feat to make it all the way down the hall and into the porcelain tiled room. 

Sighing he hung the towel on the back of the door and closed it, slicking the knobs of the bath and letting the steam fill the room as the bath began to pool with water. The rush of water from the tap sounding absolutely deafening to the teen as he watched the water level rise before he kicked his boots off and melded the suit off of his body. Vanitas was half glad the mirror was fogged up so he didn’t have to see his reflection glaring back at him and the pitiful state he knew he looked. Eyes puffy and nose bruised and red. He could already see the ugly welts and dark bruises forming along his ribs and stomach and a check to his left hand revealed his pinky finger was dark and swollen and rendered completely useless.

Swallowing thickly he turned the water off and dipped his toe in the barely tolerable water before slipping into it letting the heat sting every inch of his skin and prod at every laceration and sore place making it feel a hundred times worse before it even began to numb out and he relaxed. Smoothing his hands over his body whimpering when he hit particularly tender spots before grabbing the bar of soap and starting to clean the caked on blood off of his skin. Unclogging his nose and rinsing out his mouth, making sure to scrub himself until his tanned skin turned red and he was certain that he was clean before he even attempted to start on his hair. Laying back in the now murky water to begin to pry the clots of blood out of his hair and prodding with fingers to see what damage had been done, only finding a goose egg beneath the raven locks. 

Grabbing the bar of soap and lathering up his hair before he rinsed it out and pulled the plug, sitting and watching the blood stained water go down the drain like a tiny whirlpool and he stayed sitting long after the water was gone and the air began to chill his skin. Mind clouded and foggy and body unwilling to cooperate with him not that he really cared at this particular moment since he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Finally though the cold and the feeling of the water air drying against his skin became enough of a bother that he pulled himself out of the tub and snatched the towel brushing the plush cotton over himself to soak up the rest of the water before he wrapped it around his waist and made his way back towards his bedroom. Boots in hand and bare feet silent against the icy tiles. 

He had been hoping to avoid his Master between visits back and forth but his luck had worn thin already and halfway back to his room he heard the clicking of heels behind him and he stiffened, fighting the urge to run and hide but even he wasn’t that stupid and he knew if he ran that it would be a sure fire way to get Xehanort to come after him. Instead he kept his head low clinging close to the wall as the footsteps approached and came to a halt beside him.

“Really now, Vanitas, I expected you to have some decency walking through these halls. Put some clothes on, you’re a mess.” Xehanort snapped as his scalding glare swept over the young man taking in the damage he had done and the way Vanitas coward away from him. Not even able to muster up the courage to look him in the eye instead hiding beneath the damp strands hanging in over his face like a curtain.

“What did you learn in today’s lesson, Vanitas?” Xehanort asked turning to face him, eyes narrowing as Vanitas said nothing. If anything the boy just seemed to shrink before him even further, “Answer me!” He shouted reaching out to grab him only for his hand to pass through a cloud of crimson.

He had expected to be evaded and he knew Vanitas couldn’t go far. Turning on his heal he lunged latching onto the boys throat when he reappeared and kicking his feet out from under him. Feeling those weak fingers gripping and clawing at his wrist and the scrabble of feet as he pinned him down, just like a dog that had disobeyed. 

“T-train harder, move faster, be better.” Vanitas squeaked staring up at him with bloodshot golden eyes full of an absolute terror that spoke volumes with Xehanort as he let the boy go. Patting the side of his face as he stood back up, dusting his gloves off.

“Good.” He huffed continuing his way down the hall leaving Vanitas shaking on the floor to gather his boots and put himself back together again.

Vanitas hated him more than he hated any other creature in existence, more than any creature he had ever fought and more than he hated himself. Rubbing at his throat he grabbed his boots dashing into his room before he could have anymore chance encounters with his Master that would lead to him getting thrown on the floor. Melding his body suit back on, now devoid of blood and any other fluids, and shoving his feet back in his boots. Sitting down on his bed and running his fingers through his still damp locks before he grabbed the jaw guard and snapped it back into place. He didn’t know what to do but that all consuming panic was building up inside him. Making him feel like he was about to spew forth something dark and horrifying and that it would swallow him up and eat him whole. Leaving nothing but some empty husk behind where Vanitas had once stood.

The thought terrified him and was exhilarating all at once, a chance to just stop existing and be done with it all. That would be defeating his purpose and he only had one, to get Ventus to forge the X-blade with him for his Master. That was his only purpose, he wasn’t a child, he wasn’t a pet, he was nothing but a tool for Xehanort to use and abuse to get what he wanted and it made Vanitas sick. Just being touched by his Master made him want to throw up what little he had left in his stomach as his mind flickered back to the feel of those stupid white gloves against his bare throat and that predatory look boring holes straight into him. It made him feel like he was a piece of meat and he was suddenly more furious than he had been in a very long time and he needed to take it out on someone or something, right now.

For Ventus it had been a typical evening of training and spending time with Terra and Aqua. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, no signs of Vanitas being a pest or lurking around. Just plain old regular hard day of training and being around people he cared about. It had been a while since there had been any real trouble and he had been able to focus more on his studies and even now, after dinner and alone in his room he was very content with himself. Flipping through the pages of a fiction he had read one too many times to even be excited about it anymore he sighed. Dropping the book beside him and staring up at the ceiling. He was bored and there was nothing to do, Terra had long since gone to sleep and Aqua was studying down in the library and he knew well enough not to disturb her when she was in full on study mode which left him to fend for himself.

Sighing he stood up figuring if he at least went for a little walk on the grounds that it may help settle his mind and make it easier for him to nod off to sleep. He didn’t even get to his door before the entire atmosphere shifted and that dark swirling portal opened up giving way to the sleek black and red clad body of Vanitas who stepped through without finesse or any sort of his usual dark humor. Instead the portal closed and Vanitas charged at him, amber eyes flashing with rage as he shoved the other teen against the wall hand closing around his throat before Ven could even think to call for help. 

Something was wrong, desperately wrong as he looked at Vanitas his hands grasping at his forearms taking ragged breaths despite the fact that Vanitas wasn’t quite trying to choke him but the threat was very real and the rage emanating off him was terrifying. Ventus could see the bruises that had formed under Vanitas’ eyes and the dark line over his cheek. He could feel even in the way Vanitas stood that he was shaking all over though he wasn’t quite sure if that was from rage or something else entirely. What he was sure of was that someone had beat he hell out of Vanitas enough to mark him up and that was only what Ven could see.

“What happened to you?” He asked voice soft knowing the other teen could and probably would snap at any given moment.

“Why won’t you just forge with me!? Why Ventus? Why! Just do it and make it stop.” Vanitas snarled, “You’re pathetic! Useless!” But his eyes were filling with tears and the way Ventus looked at him through his own eyes that seemed to reflect the sky on a clear day made his insides shake.

“Van, I, come on. Just calm down.” Ventus tried to bargain and Vanitas stepped away as though he had been burned, lips turned in a scowl and tears streaming down his face. “Please talk to me, I just want to help. Let’s get you a cure and then we can talk okay?”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Vanitas snapped but he didn’t deny the cure since he was denied them from his Master, denied even having them around since he believed that anything Vanitas suffered he had brought upon himself and should suffer it.

“Okay, fine. We don’t have to talk. Just sit down.” Ventus told him and for once in his stubborn life Vanitas listened to the blond and sat down on the edge of the bed as Ven searched for the bottle of cure he kept on hand for emergencies and grabbed a cloth. Sitting down beside him and uncapping the bottle pouring some out on the cloth and reaching up to dab it on the wounds. 

Vanitas flinched away as soon as he raised his hand though and Ventus froze, his heart clenching at the way Vanitas’ cringed, violent eyes squinted as though he was preparing for a blow that never came.

“I’m not going to hurt you Vanitas, just, come on look at me.” He murmured reaching out with his other hand to cup the teens chin and turn his head towards him. Dabbing the cure tonic over the bruises all the while Vanitas didn’t say a word. Keeping his eyes downcast and avoiding looking at Ventus as much as he could.

“Ain’t you supposed to drink that stuff?” He finally asked voice softer than Ventus had ever heard it.

“Nah, this stuff works better when applied directly to the affected area. It’s more for cuts and bruises than for like, battle damage and all over healing.” Ven told him giving a little shrug, “Now, I know you have more damage, do you want a hand?”

“I hit my head.” Vanitas said shortly ducking his head so that Ven could apply the cure before he raised it again. No way he was going to be getting undressed for him to tend the other wounds but the broken finger he would give in to. “And I broke my finger.” He sighed holding up his hand and melding the glove away pretending not to see Ventus’ look of horror at the state of his hand. 

Ever so carefully taking it in his own and smoothing the cure over it, trying to be as gentle as he possibly could but Vanitas still winced closing his eyes until it was over.

“Sorry, sorry. Is there anywhere else you need fixing?” Ventus asked him and Vanitas only shook his head in response. “Are you sure?” He wouldn’t force Vanitas to let him help but it was the least he could do to ask him.

Really Vanitas looked straight on the verge of passing out where he sat and despite the fact that every other time they had met Vanitas had been a complete douche to him Ventus felt compelled to help.

“Do you want to lay down for a minute? Then you can go back to wherever you came from.” Ven offered and Vanitas so badly wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and that he didn’t need a babysitter.

But his eyes were heavy and he suddenly just wanted nothing more than to sleep somewhere that wasn’t anywhere in the general vicinity of Xehanort so he nodded. Simply flopping down onto his side heedless of whether or not Ventus moved and he was out the moment his head hit the mattress. 

Sighing Ventus capped the bottle setting it on the bedside table as he looked down at the raven haired teen that had so quickly fallen asleep on his bed. Watching the steady ins and outs of his breath and the way his muscles tensed and twitched in his sleep hardly able to believe that he was having nightmares already. Frowning he decided he needed guidance on what to do in a situation like this and he grabbed a blanket to toss over Vanitas before he slunk out of the room and down the hall and stairs to where Aqua was still up in the library.

She heard him come in of course and looked up a tired smile crossing her features as she yawned wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“It must be pretty late, what are you still doing up Ven?” She asked sobering up when he sat down across from her looking serious, “Ven?”

“I have a problem, well not so much a problem, but I need some advice. You know Vanitas?” He asked her and she frowned giving a little nod.

“Yeah, the creepy kid that always where’s black and the mask, follows Master Xehanort around all the time. He’s weird. What about him?”

“Well, don’t freak out or anything but he kinda. Well he’s upstairs asleep in my bed.” Ven told her but before he could continue she interrupted him.

“In your bed, upstairs. Ven I didn’t want to have to be the one to talk to you about the birds and the bees but it seems you already figured that out. Vanitas? Why Vanitas?” She sighed dropping her head into her hands absolutely astounded and it look Ven a moment to catch up.

“Wait! No, no I don’t mean like that. I mean like he did his weird portal thing and appeared in my room, tried to choke me and then broke down. Aqua someone beat the crud out of him. You should have seen the bruises and one of his fingers was broken. His face was all bruised up. Like it was bad it wasn’t some training exercise misshap that leaves you with skinned knees. Like someone beat him up on purpose and hurt him enough that he came here for help and is now asleep in my bed.” Ven explained all in a rush looking at her with pleading eyes as though she would have all the answers in the world for him.

“Someone beat him up? Who? Did he tell you?” She asked immediately defensive for him, even if she didn’t like Vanitas and she thought he was a creepy little bastard that should really just stay the hell away from all of them he was still a person and he she would stand up for him if she needed too.

“No, he wouldn’t tell me. He looked so scared and so angry Aqua, I don’t know what to do but I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and I’m worried that he might get hurt again, which I know is dumb because he’s a jerk but still…” Ven sighed shaking his head.

“I get it Ven, you don’t need to explain. Even though he’s an ass it doesn’t mean that he deserves to get that beat up.” She frowned looking up at him and running a hand through her hair. “Do you have any idea who could have beat him up like that?”

“Kinda, not really. It’s just that Vanitas is strong, even hurt he held me against a wall without really trying and we both know he rarely leave Xehanort’s side except when he’s here being nuisance. I think… I mean… Maybe Master Xehanort got him. Which is why he won’t say anything. To be honest that guy has always given me the creeps.” Ven finished quietly and the look of shock on Aqua’s face made his heart sink.

“Do you really think so Ven? I mean he seemed bad but he never seemed like the kind to beat the daylights out of his apprentice.” She hummed and Ven shrugged.

“It was just the way he was talking and just everything. He’s got a smack on the face that looks like it came from a staff or something. Who else would hit him with a staff?” All of this was starting to make Ventus queasy, a Master abusing their apprentice was nothing to be taken lightly. But if something was going on he didn’t just want to stand by and let someone his age get the crap kicked out of them and do nothing about it.

“Maybe I can get him to talk about it when he wakes up, but you know how he usually is. Quiet and a jerk. I doubt he’ll tell me anything.” He sighed.

“Do you want me to go get Master Eraqus and tell him about this?” She offered but Ven shook his head. 

“In case I’m wrong I don’t want to start a fuss and not be able to back out of it. Really I guess Vanitas could have just been running his mouth somewhere and gotten in a fight but it sure didn’t look like it. I’ll just wait for him to wake up and try and talk with him again.” Ven told her cracking a half smile, “Thanks for listening though Aqua, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Aqua laughed reaching across the table to ruffle his hair before opening her book again, “Alright you go take care of your monster, if you need me just shout. Like seriously.”

He nodded standing up and stretching before he made his way back upstairs and to his room finding the other boy still fast asleep on his bed only now he was tucked up against the wall. Sighing softly Ven sat down beside him kicking his feet up to lay down and stared at his ceiling. Listening to the rhythmic sound of the other breathing beside him and he turned to look at him Reaching a hand out to brush his finger through his hair and over his cheek. Frowning at the partially faded bruises that were still lingering wondering who would do such a thing as beat the crap out of someone this much. Ven didn’t even want to imagine the extent of the damage that was probably hiding out of sight under his suit.

Shaking his head he closed his eyes figuring he would feel when Vanitas woke up and really by now it was rather late and he was tired, he figured that tending to creepy apprentices and nearly getting choked would do that to you. So a few minutes of shut eye couldn’t hurt and he relaxed letting the sounds of soft breath beside him lull him to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Vanitas Doesn't understand things and life is mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize how creepy this was until I actually had to write it, and then I realized it was a much better idea when it was a 3 second thought. But it is key to building the story so hey. Let it be I suppose.

Early shades of pale grey and soft pinks were filtering through the window when Vanitas finally cracked his eyes open. His head full of cotton and confusion laying thick around as to where he was and what he was doing laying next to another body. Especially the fact that it was Ventus. Yawning he pulled himself upright all the same and slipped off the bed, looking down at the blond male through squinted eyes as the events of the day before came back to him and he sighed.

Slowly and almost regretfully stepping away from the bed and opening his portal to take him back to his Master’s lair. A small noise from behind stopped him though and he turned looking over his shoulder and seeing blue staring back at him almost reflecting the same look of confusion that he had been feeling moments before.

“Vanitas? What…eh where are you going? Don’t you want to eat something first?” Ven mumbled turning on his side and swinging his legs over the edge to sit up. Clothes crinkled from sleeping in them not that he seemed to care a whole lot 

Vanitas didn’t know what to do but the idea of getting something to eat and not having to go immediately back to somewhere he didn’t want to be sounded a heck of a lot more pleasant than anything else he had planned. Stepping back he closed the portal giving a short nod to Ventus and the other teen lit up in a grin.

“Well come on than, let’s get you some breakfast.” He chirped seeming overly cheery for just having woken up and Vanitas scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands trying to shake off that chipper tone.

Following Ventus as he stood and led the way down into the kitchen, their feet making hushed sounds over the tile and Vanitas was almost amazed that it didn’t seem to echo with emptiness the way the halls of his so called home did. Even though they were similar in construction this place was so much more alive with people living in it and the entire atmosphere reflected the constant motion that went on within the walls.

When they arrived in the kitchen the table was already set with places for the trainees around a small table, nothing fancy just plain wood and a few chairs. There was no place like this at the kitchen at Xehanort’s only the table in one of the grand halls and no one ever ate there. Generally he would just scoop up his breakfast and eat it in his room or find somewhere nice of the grounds to sit for a while. No, this place certainly had a nicer feel to it than anywhere else he had spent time in recently.

“So…what do you want to eat? We have cereal, bread that we can make into toast. I can make eggs, I’m really good at scrambled eggs.” Ven prattled off open in the cupboards to find a plate for him and a glass.

“Uh, cereal…” Van muttered shifting on his feet and running his fingers over the edge of the table starting to get that uncomfortable feeling that he was being waited on creeping up his spine and he had learned that good things never came for free.

It was like this entire scene, this entire charade was going to fall in at any second and he would be crushed under the immense weight of everything coming in to drown him. His heart starting to race in his chest and it felt like every single hair on the back of his neck decided to stand on end all at once. The air feeling thin around him and he gripped the back of a chair for support thinking for a moment that he was going to drop.

“Van? Are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost.” Ven was immediately by his side pulling out a chair and ushering the other boy into it like some sort of sheep. Grasping him by the shoulders until he sat down.

Vanitas didn’t answer for a moment or two trying to find words around a tongue that felt to thick and a brain that was sparking off in all the wrong directions. When he finally did find the right words they came out thin and shaky.

“I’m fine, just…I must be really hungry.” He lied, of course he lied and by the look on Ventus’ face he knew it. But he let it pass without pushing any further.

“I guess it’s a good thing we have a lot of cereal, you can have as much as you want.” He grinned dropping a bowl in front of him along with the spoon and cereal box and a jug of milk. Humming a soft tune under his breath as he grabbed his own bowl and sat across from Vanitas watching as the other boy poured the cereal into the bowl and despite his earlier claim of being hungry, only filled it halfway full. Dropping barely enough milk into the dish to wet the sugar frosted flakes before he pushed it away so Ven could get his own.

“So like, how old are you?” Ventus asked trying to spark some sort of a friendly conversation with the other teen even though his head was down and he was pushing the cereal around in his bowl as if it would somehow hold the meaning to life, the universe, and everything. Which maybe it did but Ventus highly doubted it.

“I dunno, how old are you?” He avoided answering it and Ven frowned slightly.

“Eighteen, my birthday was last week. Officially a grown up now.” Ven flashed a grin, “How can you not know how old you are? Don’t you have birthdays?”

“I never asked, and no. I don’t have birthday…or birthday celebrations.” Vanitas huffed shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth hoping that maybe if his mouth was full Ventus would stop asking prying questions.

“What do you even do with Master Xehanort?” Ven asked around a mouthful of soggy cereal and Vanitas crinkled his nose in mild disgust.

“You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, it’s gross. And we do normal stuff. Like we train, that’s it. He teaches me stuff.” And when I don’t learn it on the first try he hits me with that stupid staff. He was so sorely tempted to say but he bit his tongue instead.

“He must be a good teacher, he’s gotta be like… a million years old.” Ventus grinned letting out a little laugh though it fell as he saw the boy across the table wasn’t laughing with him, in fact he hadn’t even cracked so much as a smile the entire time he had been there. Only stared at him with those intense golden eyes and a blank look like he didn’t quite understand what was happening.

“I don’t think he is quite a million years old. But he’s an okay teacher I guess. Kinda grumpy though and a bit rude. He does know what he’s doing though so I guess it’s okay.” Vanitas shrugged spooning up the last bits of cereal and picking up his dish. Taking it back to the sink and washing it out. Leaving the clean dish in the drying rack since he couldn’t see a towel anywhere close by.

“Wow…I guess you’re right. It seems like he sucked the joy right out of you. Do you ever smile?” Ven asked feeling that concern he had felt for Vanitas the night before starting to trickle back into the corners of his mind.

“No. I can’t say I do.” Vanitas snorted looking around the room as a sigh escaped his lips, “Thank you for feeding me but I must return before my Master grows concerned as to where I’ve been.” He told Ventus opening up a portal a few feet away before the other boy could say a word and stepping through it. Leaving Ventus alone at the kitchen table with half a dish of cereal growing soggy in front of him.

When Vanitas returned to the hall everything was still quiet, no sounds of animals scurrying around or signs that anyone had even missed his presence while he was gone. Which was a good thing since he certainly didn’t want to get in an argument about where he went during his free time, especially since he had spent the night with Ventus and had somehow not managed to convince him to forge the X-blade with him. Which, how the hell was he even supposed to do that? No one had even bothered to take the time to explain to him how something so important was supposed to happen. Maybe he was just supposed to figure it out when the time came but he didn’t think it would be quite so simple.

He made his way back to his bedroom laying down and drawing the sheet up over himself. Still exhausted and ready to drop back off to sleep especially with the way his heart was hammering in his chest for a reason he didn’t understand. He wasn’t in any immediate danger, nothing had happened to him that should warrant such a reaction. Nothing but talking to a little blond twerp that asked far too many questions for his own health, and that certainly wasn’t anything to get excited about. Even if having someone pay attention that wasn’t negative to him was somewhat nice it still didn’t make sense why he could hear his heart beating in his ears. Perhaps it had something to do with the whole X-blade thing.

Growling under his breath he shook his head pulling the sheet right up and over his head trying to tack himself into the smallest ball possible as though if he tried hard enough he could actually disappear from existence all together. Unfortunately luck was not on his side with the whole disappearing thing but his mind was more than happy to slip back into the gentle clouds of sleep and let him get a few more hours of well needed rest before he was woken up by a rough knock on the door of his room.

Swallowing thickly Vanitas woke up from the pleasant haze he had been drifting in and sat up, making his way from his room to the training hall where he knew his Master would be waiting and he knew he wouldn’t be happy that he had to wake his apprentice up. At least he hadn’t dropped a bucked of ice water on him this time, perhaps Xehanort was in a decent mood today.

“You are lazy, Vanitas.” Xehanort called as the younger man walked into the hall pausing at the outskirts for a moment before he finished the journey to where his Master was standing.

“I am, I’m sorry.” He really figured that if he apologized right off the bat that maybe things would go a lot more smoothly.

Watching as his Master turned around to look at him, hands unclasping from behind his back and reaching up to grip his chin, wrenching the teens head to the side so he could examine the already mostly healed bruises on his face.

“Where did you go to get a cure, you know I do not allow them.” Xehanort bit letting him go as he waited for an answer.

“To…ah…Master Eraqus estate, Ventus…he gave it to me.” Vanitas squeaked and Xehanort could already see the fear and terror creeping onto his features and filling his eyes.

Why were you there, I am going to give you one. One chance to explain why you left the grounds without my permission.” His voice was steady and calm but Vanitas knew if he answered wrong it would turn from calm to another beating in less than a second and he didn’t think he had a very good answer.

Somehow he couldn’t imagine that telling him that he had run off because he hated him and that he needed to be away from him would fly very far and his mind was racing to come up with something that would be at least somewhat satisfactory for him.

“I was. Uhm. Trying to establish a bond with Ventus, I figured, perhaps if I got on to his good side and inside his head that when the time came it would be easier to get him to agree to forge the X-blade with me. Rather than if I just demand it.” Vanitas said in a rush of air, waiting for the show to drop and to be hit or have his feet knocked out from under him again.

He wasn’t expecting his Master’s face to split into the god awful grin and the huff of laughter that escaped past his lips. Flinching when he raised his hand only for the blow to fall as a gentler pat on the shoulder.

“Perhaps you are not as stupid as I thought you were. Still an idiot, but at least you’re an idiot with initiative.” He grinned and Vanitas let out a sigh of relief, “Shall we begin today’s training?”

It wasn’t a question but Vanitas nodded taking a step back and crouching into a fighting stance ready for whatever Xehanort would throw at him, but at least he wasn’t in such a terrible mood anymore.

The routine they were going through was boring, Vanitas could do it in his sleep, such a simple exercise that was really more about keeping yourself up off the ground from earth based attacks rather than being useful at all. Besides that Xehanort seemed distracted, his attacks were slower and there was hardly a challenge at all for Vanitas to dodge them and he was getting bored. If he was going to train he wanted to actually train, not go through some petty little dance with a man that was probably like, a million years old, as Ventus had said. 

“Are you feeling your age, old man?” Vanitas taunted from a safe enough distance away that he felt if he really needed to run he could manage to get away.

Xehanort froze and Vanitas felt a chill run down his spine immediately taking a few steps backwards and preparing to take off the second Xehanort made a move. Instead of attacking Xehanort shook his head tittering under his breath.

“No, just distracted. Perhaps that is enough training for today.” He chimed and Vanitas frowned raising a brow.

“But we barely did anything, you sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve never cut training short for any reason.” Vanitas said pacing forwards looking intently quizzical as he studied his Master looking for any signs of harm that may have came to him.

“I am fine Vanitas, you really should learn to mind your own business.” Xehanort snorted, “I want you to come by my chambers in a little while, I have something I want to give you.” 

And with that he walked away leaving his apprentices mouth hanging open ready to voice more questions about what he could possibly want to give him and why it was in his chambers. Why on earth wouldn’t that stupid old man bring it down for him instead of making him walk all the way to the other end of the building to retrieve it. He hoped it wasn’t heavy or something supremely awkward to carry. Perhaps Xehanort wanted him to move something for him, or to give him one of those dumb old books full of spells he was supposed to learn that each weighed as much as a large dog. Vanitas hated reading and he swore if it was one of those books he was going to burn it and the consequences be damned.

There hadn’t been a demand for what time he had to come by his Master’s chambers, just that he did so sometime throughout the day and so he stopped by the kitchen, grabbing a snack since he had barely eaten that morning and sitting in the window stoop while he ate. Mind still reeling over what could possibly be waiting for him inside the room, he had never been a very patient creature and as soon as he was finished eating he was trodding down the hallways towards the room. Eyes bright with curiosity and the fact that he was getting a day off to do whatever he wanted with it. There were so many possibilities even though he figured he would end up finding a sunny spot somewhere on the grounds and sleeping the after noon away.

When he finally reached the bedroom door he raised his hand to knock and waited patiently for the door to open for him. His Master stepping aside to let him into the dimly lit room as the teen looked around at the shelves lined with those stupid books.

“What did you need to give me? Is it heavy?” Vanitas chirped turning on his heel to look him in the eye, head tilted slightly to the side and it almost pained Xehanort to see that there was the potential for him to be so intelligent and yet Vanitas was still such an idiot all the time.

“It isn’t so much something I have to give you as another lesson I have for you.” Xehanort explained walking past him once the door clicked shut behind them and Vanitas felt that sinking feeling of dread building in his chest once again as his exit was closed off.

“So you aren’t gonna give me one of those bricks of paper to read?” He asked confusion clouding his voice.

“No, unless you want to read them than you’re more than welcome you know that.” Xehanort sighed holding up a hand and crooking his finger for Vanitas to approach him. He could see the distrust in the teens eyes and the way he looked like he was about to bolt because this situation was knew and Vanitas did not like when things changed and he didn’t know what was going on.

After a second of hesitation Vanitas walked up to him, covering the distance between them in less than three strides and looking at his Master through narrowed eyes waiting to see what would happen. Since he had no idea, this was all knew and he could count on one hand the number of times he had been allowed to enter his Master’s bedroom for any other reason than to get a book, and that had only been to help drag something either in or out of the room. But this had the feeling of something being all wrong and it made Vanitas’ skin crawl.

“Get on your knees, Vanitas.” Xehanort told him, his voice hard with the command and Vanitas swallowed. For a brief moment Xehanort actually thought that he was going to deny him and spit on his shoes but then Vanitas crouched down to rest on his knees looking up at him confused and extremely wary of what was to come. 

Truthfully Vanitas was wondering if this was some absurd sort of punishment for calling him an old man and he was expecting to get hit or kicked or maybe whacked with the staff again. There was no air of danger though just of something being not quite right though Vanitas couldn’t put his finger on it and that worried him more than anything. Even more than the hand brushing over his cheek and dusting the bangs out of his eyes in some sort of odd tender of affection. He desperately wanted to ask what was going on but even Vanitas knew that it was not a good idea to ask questions. Not as fingers swept over his lips and he had to resist the urge to bite them because this was so foreign and so uncomfortable, this weird silence that was hanging in the air and Vanitas was wishing that if he was going to hit him he would just hurry up and do it because he had better things to do.

The hand left his face and he caught motion in front of him, eyes widening as he saw the belts around his waist being pulled open and the buttons of his shirt undone. Vanitas shut his eyes since he had learned it was impolite to watch people change and even if his Master had chose to undress right in front of his face he didn’t want to be accused of being rude and get punished for it. He could hear the sound of the pants zipper being undone and the shuffling of clothes before things went quiet again and Vanitas cracked open one eye. Closing it again when he realized his Master’s pants were down and he was very much exposed in front of him and his cock was half hard and why on earth was this happening?

“I didn’t mean to look, Master, I apologize.” He said softly, hoping that he was going to be excused soon and he could try and forget that he had just seen his Master partially naked since that was something he hadn’t particularly wanted to see ever in his life. Not that he had really thought about it before but now that it had happened he wished it hadn’t.

‘That’s okay, Vanitas, this is what I wanted to teach you. Skills like this might come in handy if you’re in the business to make new friends.” Xehanort told him a hand carding through Vanitas’ hair gripping into the raven locks and the feeling of being trapped increased tenfold for the teen. 

Panic was rising in his chest and he didn’t understand why or what was happening or what this had to do with anyone’s penis. He didn’t even pay attention to his own, it was just a thing that happened to be there like any other body part. It wasn’t important, it just was. Was that the incorrect thing to do? He just didn’t know, no one had ever explained these things to him before and all he had were the fleeting bits of knowledge from when Ventus and him were still joined to go by and there was no data on situations like this in there.

“Come on boy, hands up. I want you to touch it like I’m sure you touch yourself.” Xehanort muttered and Vanitas’ eyes flickered open to look up at him beseeching and confused.

“I don’t…I mean I haven’t.” He stammered out distressed by the request but this was still a lesson and even if he didn’t like all his lessons he was sure there was a point to having to learn this.

Swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to pack down the feeling of discontent rising in his chest he brought his hands up to very gently and very timidly brush over the elder mans erection. Not sure what he was supposed to do and lacking information to back up any instinct he was supposed to have.

“You don’t touch yourself? You’re a strange one…” Xehanort grumbled using his free hand to direct Vanitas in what he was doing, curling the teens fingers around his shaft and moving his hand for him until he caught the drift of what he was supposed to be doing. Semi hard flesh stiffening under the inexperienced grip.

“Master, I don’t understand the purpose of this exercise.” Vanitas said flatly and giving the distinct impression that there were a hundred things he would rather be doing and this was definitely not one of them.

“One day you will use this skill and you will be very glad you know what you’re doing.” Xehanort groaned batting the teens hand away and pulling his head closer, hearing the disgruntled squeak and looking down at vitriol filled eyes, “Open up and suck, watch your teeth and if you bite me Vanitas I swear you will not make it off the floor.”

The threat was heavy in his words and Vanitas swallowed still extremely unsure how such a task could be at all useful in any sort of confrontation. Maybe if you wanted to intimidate an enemy, but that didn’t make sense at all. He wasn’t going to tell his Master to go fuck himself though and so he opened his mouth. Feeling the slide of hot flesh against his tongue as his Master guided his head forwards. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but this wasn’t it and it just felt so wrong that it was physically painful to stop his jaw from snapping shut over the unwanted intrusion in his mouth. He wasn’t sure how he was managing it but he took a deep breath through his nose and closed his lips around his shaft.

Letting his mind drift to something that wasn’t this, more particularly to how he was going to spend the rest of his afternoon which he was now certain would include brushing his teeth, as his Master guided his head back and forth until Vanitas got the general idea of how it was supposed to go. His insides cringing whenever he got too much of a mouthful and he felt the head of his cock brush against the back of his throat. This was definitely going right up on the top of his list of training exercises he did not like and wished to never repeat.

“Don’t be afraid to use your tongue, boy.” Xehanort hissed and Vanitas wished he could make some snappy comeback but unfortunately for him, his mouth was slightly preoccupied. 

A growl formed in the back of his throat as he did what was asked of him, hearing the sharp intakes of breath from above him and the way those god awful fingers tightened in his hair. That ever present panic starting to rise in his chest once again as Xehanort met the bobs of his head with his own thrusts. He could feel his cock throbbing against his tongue and the deep instinct inside him to run was making itself known. Vanitas pressed through the feeling though eyes squeezing shut as he tried to just not focus on what was happening.

There was a deep moan from above him and before Vanitas had time to react his mouth was filled with salty fluid and he was so confused. Body twisting and trying to pull away simply because it tasted bad and he didn’t want anything that tasted like that anywhere in his mouth. It didn’t even occur to him at the moment that he had another mans bodily fluids in his mouth he just wanted to get the hell away. Xehanort’s death grip in his hair made it nigh impossible to move until he had finished emptying his load inside the very clearly furious teens mouth.

Finally letting him go and watching as Vanitas tumbled back onto his bottom eyes filled his hate and violence as Xehanort tucked himself back into his pants. Expecting Vanitas t lunge at him and try and attack but the young man only looked beside himself with confusion as he wiped away the excess come that had drooled down his chin with the back of his hand. Gathering himself up onto his feet and barely containing himself as he spoke desperately trying not to give in to the need to throw up or run and rinse his mouth out.

“Was that everything, Master?” He spat hand reaching behind himself for the door knob ready to run the second he was granted permission. 

“That was all, you’re well on your way to learning a valuable life skill.” Xehanort told him, “You’re excused.”

With that Vanitas was gone, taking a few jagged walking steps away from the room until the door closed and he broke out in a run. Dashing to the nearest bathroom to rinse his mouth out, gargling water and spitting it back into the sink with a look of disgust before he made his way to his room to brush his teeth. Absolutely furious and distraught as to why such a thing had happened and why it would be a useful skill to have. Why on earth would anyone have to know how to perform an act like that, it just didn’t seem to have any worth at all. And why had his Master thought he touched himself when there was no reason to? Nothing about this made sense and it was infuriating.

Still, he had done something that had pleased his Master and that meant he had the rest of the day to himself to do whatever he wanted and he did not want to be anywhere near this place right now. Opening a portal he stepped through it and out onto a grassy hill where he was mostly certain no on was going to come looking for him. Why would they? It wasn’t like he held anything special and really he just wanted to be left alone and sitting by himself somewhere in the forest seemed like a pretty good idea. Besides maybe he could catch a few more hours of rest before he went back and like a lazy cat he stretched out in the sun.

The sun was starting to dip down over the horizon when he heard rustling in the bushes and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he tried to figure out where it was coming from. Eyes narrowing as he saw Ventus push through the undergrowth and onto his little reserved patch of land.

“Vanitas? Wow! I didn’t know you came here to watch the sunset too. Neat.” Ven chirped trotting over to where he was and flopping down beside him.

“I was just…I guess so.” He didn’t have the energy to try and argue with him, instead turning to the colourful clouds lining the sky.

There was silence between them as the evening birds chirped and one by one fell silent all around until the sky was deep blue and the sun was completely hidden from view. In its place thousands of stars filling the sky like faerie dust sprinkled among the heavens.

“Ventus.” Vanitas said breaking the silence and almost scaring the pants straight off of Ven.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He asked looking over at the shadow clad teen curiously features hidden by the dark, waiting for a long moment before he heard his voice again.

“Does your Master ever make you do things you don’t understand?” He asked softly voice flat as a day old can of soda.

“Well yeah, sure. He usually explains them later…after we’ve figured it out for ourselves. He calls it creative teaching, getting us to figure out our own answers instead of just giving them to us.” Ventus shrugged though the gesture was lost in the night, “How come?”

“No reason…training was strange today. That was all.” Vanitas muttered golden eyes catching the light from the moon as he looked over at Ventus, “There are just so many things I do not understand that he expects me to know.”

“Hey, I understand. You’ll get the hand of it eventually. You seem like a pretty smart guy.” Ven chirped and hidden by the darkness Van cracked a smile.

That was the first time anyone had ever called him smart before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Van gets a cold

Vanitas was sick to his stomach but he had no idea why. It was rare that he caught colds but this time he figured it may have been something as simple as that. After all he had been training harder than ever over the past week and he was exhausted, muscles burning whenever he so much as twisted the wrong way. Thankfully his Master had not been inclined to do anymore of their ‘special lessons’ as he liked to call them and had instead focused on training Vanitas in more practical things. Or at least Vanitas thought they were more practical than shoving other peoples things in your mouth. He was still quite confused over all of it and his Master had not decided to elaborate any further so Vanitas had decided it was better just not to ask.

The day before his Master had noticed Vanitas’ sluggish movements and the stuffed up nose and had called it quits telling him gruffly to more or less, ‘get better or go crawl off and die.’ But at least that meant he had time to recover and he was spending the day tucked in bed not sure whether he was going to be sick or not. His head was pounding and he knew he had a fever and should be taking medicine but there was no such thing here. Nothing to make his stomach stop churning or his head stop pounding, unless you counted water but he had tried that already and it had only made him feel sicker. Vanitas wasn’t sure what to do, his immediate thought had been to go to Ventus and ask for help but his pride had stopped him and the idea of having to travel through a channel to get to Ventus was sickening enough just as a thought. 

Now he was just laying there, too hot-too cold, starving and them wanting to toss his cookies, stuffed up nose turning into a faucet at a moments notice. Not fun at all and finally the idea of being able to get something to make him feel better won out over not wanting to move or open a portal. Wincing he bit back the bile that built in his throat and stood up, dragging on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt instead of being bothered to manage up his regular suit. Taking a deep breath he opened the channel and stepped through it directly into Ventus’ room once again only to find that he wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t the boy had better things to do than just lay around in his bed all day. He was training for his Mark of Mastery and being lazy wasn’t going to get him there. If Vanitas wasn’t so sick he may have had it in him to feel a little bit of admiration for him.

None the less Vanitas was very sick and just standing there wasn’t helping things in the least. Stumbling from the room and into the hallway he carefully made his way down the stairs and towards the courtyard where he could hear voices and laughter. As he reached the doorway to outside he paused, listening to the trio laughing and chattering away seeming as though they were having a good time just being around each other. Something caught in Vanitas’ throat and it wasn’t just being sick this time, it was something dark and hard and choking, making him feel as though he couldn’t breath and he stumbled back. Pressing the back of his head against the tiled wall as the laughter outside turned to sounds of alarm.

“What the hell is that!” Ventus’ voice rang out as one of the smaller unversed, a Flood, sprang out of the ground lunging at him.

“It’s one of those things the Master warned us about, I heard they’re all over the place popping up and wrecking stuff like some kind disease.” Terra called out and Vanitas felt the thing being destroyed.

Swallowing he slunk back, a disease, that’s what he was. He made these monsters and he didn’t know why, it just happened and his Master had never bothered to explain it to him. He just let it happen and told Vanitas that one day he would understand but that day had yet to come. He had to close his eyes as another wave of nausea washed over him and he gripped his stomach eyes clenched tightly shut as he waited for it to pass. This was a stupid idea coming here and thinking that he would be able to maybe be friends with these people, and maybe be able to be something more than this freak of a thing. What an idiot. His Master was right.

“Vanitas?” Ventus voice was suddenly a lot closer and his eyes flashed open, “You okay? You don’t look so good…Aqua!” 

Okay, now he was definitely going to be sick as the panic of being caught somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be and the fever that was burning through his body finally caught up with him. He saw Aqua and Terra dart around the side of the door before his vision went dark and he felt the impact of his body hitting the ground but it felt as though it was happening to someone else.

Ventus squeaked as he watched the other boys body hit the floor like a sack of potatoes and Aqua gasped Terra rushing to his side and quickly looking him over to make sure no serious damage had been done.

“Isn’t this the kid that hangs around Xehanort? What’s his name, the freaky one in the spandex.” Terra asked Ventus and Aqua, feeling Vanitas’ forehead and making a noise of disapproval in the back of his throat, “He’s burning up like a bonfire, must be really sick.”

“His name is Vanitas, he was here a while ago, remember, I told you someone beat the heck out of him.” Ven told Terra as he scooped up Vanitas as if he weighed no more than a handful of grapes.

“Well, he needs to rest and he needs some medicine to help him get past this, I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We shouldn’t probably get Master Eraqus so he can let Master Xehanort know that his apprentice passed out here.” Terra shrugged starting to head down to the First Aid room.

“No!” Ven called rushing along after him, “I mean, wouldn’t it be better just to let him rest for a while. Maybe he needs a break, you know how his Master can be. Maybe he just wasn’t giving him the time he needed to recuperate.” 

Terra raised a brow as he looked down at Ven and then at the unconscious boy in his arms before he sighed, “Fine, but if he gets in trouble for not being home, you can tell everyone it was you idea to keep him.” 

“That’s fine, I just. I don’t want him to get sicker and I don’t think they have any medicine where he lives. That’s probably why he came here.” Ven said softly following over to Aqua where she was gathering supplies in the room.

Terra lay the boy on the emergency cot as Aqua lay a cold cloth on his head and set out a bottle of medicine on the counter. Looking him over again to make sure he wasn’t suffering from any wounds that could have caused such sickness but all she found was a patchwork of old bruises and half healed cuts.

“Ven, when he wakes up get him to take the medicine, someone has to stay here and watch him. Make sure he doesn’t throw up and choke. I don’t want to be responsible for having Xehanort’s apprentice die.” Aqua told him giving Ven a stern look before ruffling his hair. “Terra and I will just be in the library. You know our exams are coming up soon. We gotta study.”

“Yeah I know, I’ll watch him. Don’t worry about me.” He smiled watching his two friends walk out the door, catching the worried glance they exchanged before they disappeared.

Vanitas was shaking like a leaf in a hail storm and Ven grabbed a blanket tossing it over him even though he could feel the heat radiating off of the boy. Wondering how many days he had been sick before this and hoping he would wake up soon so he could take the medicine and start feeling better. Sighing he pulled up a chair and sat down beside the cot, crossing his legs and waiting patiently for him to wake up.

It didn’t take long before Vanitas’ eyes cracked open and he jumped with a start. Heart racing in his chest as he tried to figure out what was going on. Knowing that he hadn’t been here when he passed out but now he was in some sort of medical room and Ventus was sitting there looking concerned. Guilt churned in Vanitas’ stomach and he tried to get up instead nausea hitting him like a hammer and his head spinning.

“Hey, hey, don’t move I have medicine. You gotta drink it or your not going to feel better.” Ven told him picking up the bottle and pouring the required amount into a little cup.

Handing it over to Vanitas he shakily took it and swallowed the foul tasting medicine not able to stop the absolute look of disgust that crossed his features before he lay back down again. Turning on his side to face Ven though he wasn’t able to make eye contact with him. Shame mingling with his fever and sending spikes and chills over his skin.

“You gonna be okay? You hit the ground pretty hard.” Ven murmured prying the cup from Vanitas hand to set it back on the counter, “Terra and Aqua are pretty worried about you.”

“Why?” It was the only answer he could manage to get out, because no he didn’t think he was going to be okay. His head was throbbing and his stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself from the inside out. Or maybe his insides had turned to jelly. Flaming jelly. 

“Why? Because they care about you, silly. You crashed into the ground really hard and Terra thought your brain was going to melt ‘cause you were so hot. Okay he didn’t really say that but I saw it in his face.” Ven chirped watching Vanitas and feeling his heart drop as how absolutely upset he looked. “Hey…you’re going to be okay. Once the medicine starts working you can come up to my room and sleep it off.”

Vanitas didn’t answer instead tucking himself further in the blankets and shivering. He didn’t want this, he should have never come, people were worried about him. People that had no business being worried about him. He had never even really met Terra or Aqua but apparently they were worried and it didn’t make sense. This feeling of being cared for and having to be taken care of was so foreign that it made him feel sick, or well sicker than he already felt.

“Thanks…I guess…” Vanitas finally said, voice shaky and hesitant as though he didn’t quite trust his own voice. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes and he knew it was just because he was sick but he refused to cry. Refused but failed as the tears rolled down his cheeks anyways.

“Oh no, don’t be upset. You don’t have to thank me, or us, you don’t have to say anything. You needed help and that’s what we’re here for. Too help people.” Ven said in a rush shifting off his chair and onto the edge of the cot. Placing a hand on his shoulder and trying to be as reassuring as possible, “Please don’t cry.”

Vanitas nodded bringing a hand up to smudge the tears away as the nausea finally began to ebb away a little and he sat up slowly. Body still shaking all over and Ven offered a small smile standing up. 

“Wanna go lay down somewhere a little more comfortable?” He asked reaching out a hand for Vanitas to take and he did slowly standing up not wanting to aggravate his stomach anymore.

Not saying anymore Ven led him back up the stairs and to his room turning down the covers and wrapping Vanitas up in blankets after he had lay down. He could see how tired he was and Ven pulled the curtains closed to block out some of the light from outside.

“Just rest, I’ll be around if you need me and I’ll bring up some soup in a little bit, okay?” He said softly and Vanitas nodded, closing his eyes as Ven left the room to let him sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the gap between updates, I just started school and life has been a little haywire. hopefully more frequent updates in the future


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas feels better and Ven has a dirty mind apparently, who knew?

When Vanitas woke up he was still exhausted but at least he didn’t feel so sick anymore, groaning as he sat up and looked around through bleary eyes trying to exactly figure out what had happened for him to get where he was. His memory was tinged with fever dreams mingled with reality and it was rather confusing for the poor boy but it only look him a moment to recognize that he was in Ventus’ room covered in fluffy blankets and more comfortable than he would have liked to admit to anyone but himself. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed he made to stand as a voice broke through the air.

“Vanitas! No! Stay, you can’t get up yet, I was bringing you soup.” Ven called padding into the room and setting the tray with the soup on the dresser. Brows furrowed in worry for the dark haired teen.

“That really, isn’t necessary…” Vanitas murmured even though the smell of the soup was finally reaching him and it did smell very good.

“Aw, come on. I made it just for you. Well Aqua gave me a hand but still.” Ven shrugged picking up the bowl and shoving it into the others hands not giving him a chance to argue about it anymore. 

Vanitas looked down at the broth in the bowl and back up at Ven, this feeling of being cared for by someone else burning a hole in his chest and he sighed softly. Picking up the spoon he began to eat, not saying a word between bites until there was nothing else in the bowl and the warmth of the soup was sitting heavy in his stomach. Feeling Ventus’ eyes on him as he waited for him to speak again.

“Thank you… it was good.” And come to think of it, that was the first time someone had actually made him any sort of food. Cereal from a box didn’t count, even though that had been a rather thoughtful touch on Ventus’ part and now he was feeding him soup, that he had made. This was all way to strange.

“Good! I was hoping you would like it. Aqua said that it will make you feel right as rain again and even better than normal.” He chirped taking the bowl and setting it back down on the dresser before he plopped down next to Vanitas, “You are feeling better now though right? I mean you look better you don’t look like you’ve seen a ghost anymore.”

“Ah…yeah I feel better, much better. I’m sorry I came here, I shouldn’t have made myself a problem for you guys. You’re all in the middle of training and I just made a mess of things for today.” Vanitas sighed shoulders slumping forwards slightly and he felt Ventus hand on his back.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m not training super hard right now. It’s just Terra and Aqua. Their Exam is in two weeks and they are super excited. I know they’re going to do absolutely great!” Ventus just looked so proud of his friends and it sent a lance straight through Vanitas wondering exactly what that would be like. To have someone be so absolutely proud of you for doing your best. Even if you might fail.

Yawning he could feel his eyes growing heavy once again as the warmth from the soup radiating through his body and making him feel as though he was wrapped in something soft and comforting. Dropping back down into the bed he curled up into a ball, cuddling deeper into the blanket he had wrapped around him like a little cocoon.

“I’m just…gonna nap for a little bit more. And then I will go home.” Vanitas hushed, his thoughts already drifting away from him and far off into the arms of sleep.

Ventus looked down at him, pulling another blanket over the boy and looking out the window. The sky was already dark and Vanitas had been asleep for most of the day and now it was time for Ven to get to sleep. Tragically there was another body in his bed, not that Ventus really cared all that much. Vanitas didn’t move a whole lot in his sleep and from previous experience he wasn’t a bother at all to sleep with.

Kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head Ven lay down next to him tugging the extra blanket he had thrown over Vanitas so that it covered him as well. Listening to the others soft breaths as he slept and Ven turned on his side to look at him. Reaching a hand up to brush the shaggy black locks out of his face, cheeks flushed pink with warmth and sleep. A small smile tilting Ven’s lips as Vanitas nestled himself further into the blankets, a little sigh escaping his lips.

Hey, he was pretty cute when he wasn’t being a complete asshole. But then how could a scruffy golden eyed boy not be cute. Especially when he usually wore a skin tight suit that hugged all the right places perfectly, but that bordered more along the lines of; hot damn look at that booty. Than the sleepy soot sprite in pj’s that was currently residing in his bed. Not that he had ever really thought about Vanitas like that before, okay maybe a little, maybe just once. Or twice. Or maybe sometimes when it was late at night and he was feeling lonely and all the could think about was how much he would like to see those bright eyes appear in his room. Not that he would tell anyone that. Not even Terra, not even breath it out loud. Because dear god what would Terra and Aqua think if he told them that he thought the creepy masked boy was totally fucking sexy. They would be so disappointed.

In his sleep Vanitas shifted slightly closer to Ven and he had to bite back the small noise that wanted to creep up in his throat, instead closing the space between them and wrapping his arms around the other teen, pulling him close and letting Vanitas head rest against his chest. Sleepy gold eyes flicking open for a moment to meet his own before they closed again and he fell back into his deep slumber with Ventus fingers carding through his hair. 

Ven could hardly believe what a solid block of muscle Vanitas was, there was hardly an ounce of squish to him and that couldn’t be healthy at all. Maybe he could feed him more after all if he was training as hard as he seemed to be, to get this strong. He should be eating enough to keep him healthy, that was probably why he got sick in the first place. Silly boy, but then Xehanort probably didn’t teach him about healthy eating exactly. That man was something else and Ven guaranteed whatever he was wasn’t healthy for anybody. What a creep. 

Shutting his eyes Ven tried to relax feeling the soft puffs of breath over his chest from where Vanitas had settled down in sleep again. Almost unbelieving that the man that had so often haunted his dreams was laying right next to him and in his arms in a completely platonic, completely innocent fashions, and all Ventus could think about was how much he wanted to kiss him. How absolutely unfair. Sighing he tried to think of other things to get his mind off of the sleeping boy in his arms until he himself dropped off to sleep. Joining Vanitas in the same deep far off sleep that only seemed to come when you were where you were supposed to be.

-

Morning sun trickled between the slat of curtain turning the room shades of honey and amber like a home sick summer afternoon. Waking Vanitas slowly as he began to become aware of his surroundings once again, no sense of urgency, no training he had to get to, no Master to be worried about. Only the steady rise and fall of Ventus chest under his cheek and the warmth emanating from his body. Wait. There was in fact, indeed, Ventus next to him and they were cuddled right up to each other. Legs crisscrossed together like lovers and he was so comfortable that he couldn’t bring himself to move. Swallowing thickly Vanitas looked up towards the still sleeping boy, brows furrowed and stare intense. 

Almost as though he could feel Vanitas’ stare Ven woke as well looking down almost as though he was startled to see the tangled mess of black hair sticking up in all directions and half covering Vanitas’ face before he smiled. Without thinking reaching out to brush the hair out of his face pausing as he felt Vanitas tense and his eyes squint. Expecting a blow of some sort. Sighing softly Ven moved slower to brush the hair away before pulling his hand back.

“Sleep well?” He murmured voice hazed and rough with sleep, suddenly occurring to him that he was tangled up with Vanitas and inside his mind he screamed. Willing the blood to stop rushing straight to his groin and to stay where he needed it.

“Yeah…I slept real good.” Vanitas yawned seeming to decide it was time to move as he pulled himself up, thigh brushing over Ven’s, well on the way to being hard as rock, erection. 

Vanitas froze and Ven ducked his head cheeks burning red all the way to the tips of his ears as he tried to imagine he was anywhere else but in a situation that was already growing more and more awkward by the second. Vanitas was confused, why did everyone else have to seem these problems except him? First his Master and now Ventus. How completely strange.

The pair were completely unmoving for a few moments, Vanitas intently staring at Ventus and Ventus staring down at the blankets trying to get up the courage to stand and leave but not wanting Vanitas to see the tent in his pants even though he had already felt it. God he had imagined things like this so many times but in his fantasies Vanitas was always some fabulous seducer with a silver tongue and fingers that sent shivers up his spine. Not some, eyes wide as saucers and flighty as Bambi, teen that didn’t seem to have any idea what was happening.

Vanitas eyes narrowed slightly as things started to fall into place, suddenly his ‘lesson’ from his Master was making some sense. Puzzle pieces finally connecting and frowned, he knew how to deal with issues like this, it was a relief of some kind. Why? He had no idea, perhaps he could ask later but right this second he knew what he needed to do to alleviate this completely awkward tension that was flooding through the room. 

Huffing softly he shuffled back on the bed and crawled between Ven’s legs much to the other boys surprise as he squeaked moving to sit up and Vanitas stared at him. Such a haunting flat stare that just seemed so absolutely displeased with him for moving that he froze along with the ice in his veins.

“Vanitas? What are you doing?” Ven whispered worry flaring that Aqua or Terra might decide to come barging in. Not that they made a habit of doing that but now he felt he was in the middle of something that was terribly risqué. 

“Putting my knowledge to good use, is this incorrect Ventus? Would you like me not too?” Vanitas asked head tilting to one side as his hands moved to the clasp of his pants, fingers fumbling over the binding for a moment before it came apart.

“What?” Ven’s voice was dazed, trying to compute exactly what the question had been as a hand slipped into his pants. Cupping him through his underwear and he had to bite his lip to stop the small noise from falling from them.

“Would you like me to stop?” Vanitas rephrased it pulling his hand away and shrugging his shoulders in a half stretch, arms reaching above his head and sleep shirt pulling up enough to expose a triangle of tanned skin.

“No, no, you don’t have to stop.” Ventus breathed out all in a rush as it hit him that this was happening and this was real and the sleepy soot sprite was now a very awake soot sprite and had just had his hands down his pants.

“Than get rid of your pants, Ventus, come on.” He tsk’d shaking out after his stretch and waiting quite patiently while Ventus shed his pants and underwear before returning to his original spot. Now sitting up slightly shoulders propped against a pillow. 

Vanitas hummed softly under his breath as his eyes traced down over Ven’s body stopping at his cock, flat look gone replaced with something bright and curious. Fingers brushing over the head and spindling down over his shaft light and dainty, almost as though they weren’t even there at all and in half a moment Ven was going to shoot upright alone in his bed with a mess in his pants.

“Is this real?” Ven asked a groan slipping past his lips as Vanitas’ fingers wrapped around his cock stroking the hot flesh slowly.

“I should think so, it seems pretty real to me.” Vanitas replied shifting back slightly so he could crouch between his legs. Eyes flicking up to meet Ventus’ flushed face and disbelieving look. Something swelling in his chest that he could do something that would have such an effect on someone else. So simple, it was just amazing to him.

Holding back the laugh that threatened to build in his throat he lowered his head, pink tongue poking from between his lips as he licked a stripe from the base of his cock right to the tip absolutely reveling in the little gasp he was able to pull out of him. This was kind of fun he decided, much more fun than his Master’s impromptu surprise lesson. A puff of air breathed out before he wrapped his lips around him. Tongue pressed flat against the underside of his cock and Vanitas’ hands gripping his hips as he began to bob his head. Every so often looking up to see the blissed out look on Ven’s face in between the moans that he could tell the other was trying so very desperately to keep quiet.

Vanitas stiffened though as he felt Ventus’ fingers thread through his hair and he pulled away for a moment eyes narrowed into slits and lips turned in a snarl.

“If you pull my hair I will bite you.” He snapped and Ven froze in his action pulling his hand away and resting it back down on the bed.

Vanitas snorted giving a short nod before returning to the task at hand, seeming to get over the mild trespass rather quickly though in the back of Ven’s head he had to wonder what had happened to make him not want his hair touched so badly. 

Ventus was beside himself with what was going on. He just couldn’t believe that Vanitas was actually here and he was actually on his bed with his face buried in between his legs and that mouth wrapped around his cock. Sure perhaps it wasn’t everything he imagined it to be and was Vanitas a little vicious and he was half worried he was going to get bit, but it was still incredible and more like a dream come true. He was almost embarrassed that he could feel the heat pooling and he knew his climax was on the rise. Ven didn’t want this to be over he didn’t know what was going to happen after, what he should do, what the proper protocol for this kind of this was. God damn he was going to have to ask someone who knew things about things like this.

“Vanitas, I’m gonna come…” He moaned fingers gripping the blankets since Vanitas’ hair was now off limits, scratch that fantasy off the list.

“Go for it, superstar.” Vanitas muttered, not entirely thrilled at the prospect but his training had left no room for err and to differ from it would be unprofessionalism at its finest.

Ven didn’t even have it in him to care about the little endearment as his mind clouded with sensation, his skin prickling hot in all the right places and Vanitas’ mouth feeling like velvet around him. Hips bucking forward as he came, he could feel Vanitas’ fingers digging into his hips hard enough he knew there were going to be bruises but he couldn’t bring himself to mind as his muscles turned to boneless jelly and he slumped against the mattress.

Vanitas on the other hand was trying to stomach the feeling of disgust as once again his mouth was filled with hot salty fluid that he had to swallow since, come on. Spitting it out would be just, well rude. So he did his very best not to look too completely horrified as he sat back wiping his mouth with the back of a hand. At least it hadn’t been quite as terrible as with his Master, didn’t taste quite so revolting. Curious as to Ventus reaction he watched him lying like a wet bowl of noodles and he crawled over him. Staring down into half closed blue eyes with the intensity of a hawk about to kill something.

“Status report.” He snapped, the words clean, and crisp and definite enough to get a bit of a rise out of Ventus. The blond quirking a brow as he looked up at the boy hovering over him.

“Status report? Ah, good? Status is good, great, that was awesome.” Ven stammered not exactly sure what the correct answer was to that. It was awesome, he had just gotten a blow job from one of the objects of his fantasies, what wasn’t there to like about that?

“Good.” Vanitas nodded moving back to sit down back against the wall not seeming flustered in the least about anything that had just transpired. His mind was already a thousand miles gone thinking about things he had to do, he needed to get back to the Estate and shower, make food, clean up, train, make sure his Master knew he wasn’t dead and rotting somewhere.

So lost in his own thought he didn’t notice Ventus moving, sitting up to place himself in front of him, and by the time his attention was caught. Ventus’ cheeks had turned pink and he look almost as though he was either trying really hard not to cry or he was going to laugh. Which was confusing to Vanitas as he didn’t see anything sad or particularly funny about anything right this second.

“Vanitas, uhm, let me do the same. Please?” Ven said softly eyes flitting around as though they couldn’t quite hold in one place for very long. 

Vanitas frowned slightly, he didn’t understand why this was being offered it wasn’t necessary. He had helped out with the trouble Ven was having, and after everything he had already done for him he really didn’t think that returning the action was needed at all.

“Why?” There, easy and simply put. He didn’t understand so he would just ask, “I do not understand what the point of all this is.” He huffed, frankly it was all rather frustrating feeling like he was on the outside of whatever this was looking in.

“You don’t understand what? Sex? Vanitas it isn’t very complicated.” Now it was Ven’s turn to frown, if Vanitas didn’t understand what was going on than what the hell had just happened?

“Obviously I do not, I just said it. I do not understand what the point of it is or why it works the way it does.” Vanitas huffed giving a frustrated shrug.

“Oh…uh, well, it feels really good. To be touched there. Have you never touched yourself before?” Ven was quite confused, if Vanitas was the same age as himself how could he have not even tried before. Had it just never occurred to the other before? 

There was that stupid assumption again that he had been touching himself down there. He was frustrated and his mouth tasted like garbage and this encounter was starting to go sour. It was time to leave before something regrettable happened.

“No, and I need to go. My Master is going to be wondering if I’ve crawled off to die. Better get back before he finds a new apprentice.” Vanitas quipped crawling off the bed and landing lightly on the floor without so much as a backwards look.

“Wait! Just hold on a second.” Ven called scrabbling to get out of the tangle of blankets and onto his feet. Grabbing the other teen by the shoulder and pulling him around. Which would have been a task in itself if Vanitas hadn’t helped it along.

“Just give me a second.” Ven whispered pulling him close until they were nose to nose and he could see the cross eyed look Vanitas was giving him before he finished closing the space.

Pressing a kiss to his lips even though the other boy didn’t respond more than to stiffen slightly and the fact that he could taste himself on Vanitas’ lips and for some reason the heat swirled back through his stomach as he pulled away.

“Come back and visit again soon, I’ll make you more food.” Ven told him as he let Vanitas’ shirt go.

“Okay…” Vanitas muttered looking confused and bothered, what the hell was that, what was this? Why did that happen? 

Turning on his heel again he opened a channel and stepped through it and back into his room at the estate. The frustration building up inside him as he grabbed a pillow holding it to his face as he screamed. The sound muffled since it would have been no good to announce his presence by shrieking through the halls, effective, but not a good idea. 

He was just so frustrated, he didn’t understand anything that was happening and it was making him so angry. He was growing attached to Ventus and he wasn’t sure whether he liked that idea or not, and Terra and Aqua apparently liked him which by default meant he had to like them back. They had taken care of him when he was sick and they really didn’t seem like such bad people. He could feel the unversed spawning in the different worlds and he took a deep breath getting himself under control as best he could and throwing the pillow back on the bed. 

Trading it for a towel as he made his way to the bathroom to get started on his list of things he needed to do for the day. It would do no good to let himself sit and mope when there were things to do. Besides it would keep his mind off Ventus and what had happened and all these new and strange feelings pumping through him. This was all bullshit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas tries to figure what's what and Ven really likes his fantasies.

Vanitas had been keeping himself occupied out in the training yard, hacking and slashing at targets until he could barely breathe and his muscles were quivering. Perhaps it was a whole lot of pent up emotions struggling to get out but the more he fought with things that couldn’t be beaten the more angry he got. Even though by now he could barely lift a hand and he was forced to take a step back. Dismissing his keyblade and leaning against one of the half walls around the yard. Running his fingers through his hair and trying to figure out exactly what the feelings swirling around inside himself were.

“Vanitas, training harder than usual I see.” Xehanort called from the edge of the yard walking forward towards the still panting teen, “Any particular reason?” 

Immediately Vanitas’ eyes were on him and he snarled, storming over to the man with a look of fury. Xehanort simply stared down at his young apprentice folding his arms over his chest expecting some sort of insane outburst about how he was supposed to forge the X-blade, or where the unversed came, but what he got was not at all what he expected.

“Master I need to ask a question.” Vanitas spat, entire body vibrating with the force of whatever was biting at his tongue to be let out.

“Well ask it than, Vanitas, I don’t have all day.” Xehanort said raising a brow.

“I have to show you and then ask, I can not explain it correctly.” He seethed marching up to his Master until they were almost chest to chest and looking up at him through his lashes.

“Show me than, come along Vanitas.” Xehanort was perplexed by the display in front of him. Usually Vanitas made a point to stay as far from him as physically possible, especially since their recent off the book lessons.

Growling Vanitas grabbed him by the front of the coat and pulled his Master close still having to stand on his toes to reach his mouth and kissing him, much in the same way Ventus had done earlier that morning, albeit with much less finesse.

“What is that! What does it mean!” Vanitas shrieked letting him go and staggering a few paces away before swinging back around waiting for the answer, fingertips digging into his thighs.

Xehanort, in his own right, was rather stunned for the most part before he was able to shake it off and answer the raging teen. How completely unexpected. 

“That was a kiss Vanitas, it’s what people do to show they care for someone or just because it feels good.” He explained giving a little shrug of his shoulders as he walked towards the boy, his rage changing into confusion now and his brow furrowing.

“Why?” He bit out looking over to where his Master was standing.

“Just because, maybe if you read more you would know these things.” Xehanort hummed, “And by the way. If you were wondering. You are an absolutely pathetic kisser.”

Vanitas gasped features contorting to look the most offended Xehanort had ever seen the boy, going as far as to stomp his foot as his jaw snapped shut and his eyes narrowed.

“How about we have a friendly spar? If you beat me, I’ll show you how to not be such a disappointment. But if I win, I have a nice tome of spells for you to memorize.” Xehanort mused pulling a staff out of the weapons rack pausing and dropping it back in as he heard the familiar sound of Vanitas drawing his keyblade.

“Did I touch a nerve, my poor little apprentice?” He grinned holding out his hand and drawing his own blade as he turned to face the teen.

“I kiss just fine, and there is no way I’m going to read your stupid book!” Vanitas yelled rushing at him, throwing his body into the air with a kick that his Master easily dodged. Cracking him over the shoulders with the blunt part of the blade.

“Than beat me, fool.” Xehanort barked as Vanitas dragged himself up off the ground from where he had fallen. 

The teen snarled rushing him again only to disappear in a puff of crimson and reappear above Xehanort, boots clicking as he was met with the elder mans keyblade instead of the flesh he had expected. Balanced for half a second on literally the edge of a sword before he jumped away. Getting out of range before Xehanort could attack, unfortunately it didn’t stop the long range attack that hit him square in the chest. Knocking the already tired boy back skidding along the ground, eyes squished tightly shut against the scalding feeling of the sand against his back.

When he opened his eyes again Xehanort was standing over him with his keyblade pressed against his throat. Fucker.

“That isn’t fair, you knew I wouldn’t win.” Vanitas growled squirming away as he dismissed his blade and dusted himself off.

“Of course I did, I wanted you to read the ‘stupid book’.” He shrugged, “You can come up and get it when you’re done sulking down here.” 

Vanitas didn’t even get a chance to argue before Xehanort walked off leaving the teen fuming as he went back to his training. Even though his muscles were already burning and he was exhausted. He really didn’t want to read that fucking book and he was going to put it off as long as he could.

Which was how he managed to stay outside until sundown and had finally conceded that he needed to rest and had dragged the book down from Xehanort’s bedroom, (thankfully he wasn’t there) and into his room. Laying the thing down on his bed as he changed into his pajamas and flopped down. Knowing he was going to be beyond sore in the morning but not quite caring. Sighing he flipped open the book starting to skim the pages and already his mind was starting to wander to places he would rather not think about.

Kissing, it was so absurd, he didn’t understand quite how pressing lips together was a display of caring, or how it could feel good. Maybe he was doing something wrong? Perhaps it was a bonding thing and there had to be preexisting things for kissing to work. After all kissing Xehanort hadn’t felt good, and kissing Ven had just been confusing and weird since he hadn’t known what was going on. Maybe he should read a book or two, but he doubted there were ‘how-to’ instructions on these types of things.

Yawning he closed the book shoving it to the end of his bed with his foot and laying back, he would read it tomorrow, or never. And why on earth did people keep assuming that he touched himself? Was that a thing? Did people really do that? Vanitas frowned pulling up the band of his pants to peer down them and for the first time really realizing that he had a penis. The same way one would realize they had a nose if no one had ever pointed it out to them before. 

He was curious now, what was the big hype about this stupid organ? There had to be something to it that he just wasn’t understanding and he shoved his pj bottoms down staring at his dick as though it was a science experiment that he was trying to figure out and not something that was attached to him that he had just kind of gotten used to being there.

“Okay…there has to be something I’m missing.” He muttered to himself wrapping his fingers around his limp length, head cocked to one side as he sunk deep into thought.

Trying his damndest to figure out what exactly would make it respond but having nothing happen, his hand felt clammy and he was frustrated and sore all over. Nothing about this was pleasant in any way and he sighed staring up at the ceiling as his hand continued to move. Perhaps this was something that took a bit of time to achieve. Pausing for a moment as a thought struck him, bringing his hand to his mouth and licking his palm. Figuring perhaps a different sensation would help in the matter as he returned to his previous activity. After all it was this or reading that fucking book of boring ass spells.

His mind was drifting though, off to thoughts of what he was supposed to be doing, of forging the X-blade, about what it would finally be like to be completed once again. His heart jumped at the thought, heat filling his veins and his eyes fluttering shut, that would be so wonderful. When this stupid broken aching feeling finally ebbed away and he was complete, no more fractured parts shaking around inside of him. No more unversed being spawned whenever he got upset. At least he figured as much. 

It was a wonderful thought to just imagine and if he thought hard enough he could almost convince himself for a moment that it had already happened and that his heart was racing from the pure exhilaration of being whole. His skin was prickling with the idea and beneath his fingers his cock was hardening with every passing stroke. No true object to the desires in his mind but to the ideas and to the sensations he could imagine. He was caught up in his tidal wave of fantasy, his hips rocking up into his fist of their own accord, following what felt like the right thing to do.

Mind tracing through how he figured everything would happen, in pools and swirls of bursting light and shadow. Binding, twisting, fighting until they gave into each other in a mess of something that was impenetrable. Something perfect and pure and undeniable, the exact way it was supposed to be and should have been left.

The sound of his own voice surprised him, slipping from his lips as a tiny moan as he felt something he couldn’t quite identify building inside him. Cock twitching under his hand as he rolled his hips into his fist. Small squeaks and half voiced moans breaking from his throat though he desperately tried to silence them. Not liking the way they seemed to fill the space with something illicit and foolhardy and completely not allowed. 

He bit is tongue trying to hold in the sound that felt like it was about to burst forth as his vision flashed with stars. The coil that had been building inside him finally releasing and as the taste of copper pennies filled his mouth he came, hot fluid spindling down over his fingers and hand and when it passed Vanitas cracked open an eye looking at the mess he had made and pulling his hand away. Watching the way his own fluids stretched between his fingers and he snorted, grabbing his towel to clean it up. Thigh pleasure haze seeming to fade in a split instant even though his breath was still ragged.

“Pathetic.” He scoffed throwing the towel to the other side of the room and curling up on his side. That really hadn’t been what he was expecting, not that he really knew what to expect but really? As interesting as that had been, he had no desire to repeat it anytime soon. Perhaps he was still doing something incorrectly.

Though the temporary imagining of being complete had been particularly nice, he could conjure that up on his own without his hand down his pants. Maybe he should ask someone? Who on earth would he even ask though, the only one around to ask was Xehanort and he really didn’t feel like having to broach the subject of ‘hey Master, so how come it isn’t exciting when I touch myself’. No, that was probably on the very, very, very bottom of the list of things he wanted to ask his Master.

Growling under his breath he shut his eyes pulling the blanket up over his head and curling into an even smaller ball. Kicking upright as he realized he still had to turn off the light and he stormed over. Flicking it off and plunging the room into darkness save for the small slit under the door from the hall way lamps. Slinking back under his covers he tried to fall to sleep. Ending up kicking the book straight off the end of the bed and onto the floor. Smirking as it hit the ground with a satisfying thump. 

-

In his own room Ventus lay in his bed staring at the ceiling as though it could answer all his questions. He was so confused about Vanitas, so dearly conflicted by the boys earlier actions of affection and then taking off like something had bit him. His words as well, why had he made it seem as though he didn’t understand what was happening or why it had happened. Maybe he had meant that it had been his first time doing such a thing? Maybe he was just a little freaked out by the fact that he had just sucked a dick and needed space. 

Yes, that’s what he was going to go with, nothing personal against himself. Just that Vanitas had been a little overwhelmed and a little freaked out and had needed to get away. Even though Ventus would have preferred if he hadn’t taken off so abruptly at least he had something new to fuel his fantasies with. 

It was so strange to think that the teen who usually seemed so bold and in control of every situation he waltzed into had no experience. Ven could have sworn by they way he talked, the way he moved, that he knew exactly what he was doing to anyone who looked at him. Seriously, he was dressed in skin tight clothing that left pretty much nothing to the imagination and he flaunted himself, moving as gracefully and as skilled that Ven had no doubt he could step on your throat and look good doing it. So not fair.

Vanitas had seemed so confused, but determined and the way that perfect mouth looked wrapped around his dick instead of in his usual half cocked smirk was an image that was going to be stuck in Ven’s head for a long time. The thought was still so fresh and soft in his mind and he let out a soft breath as his own fingers whispered over his bare stomach and beneath the band of his pajama pants where his cock was already half hard at the mere thought of the dark haired boy.

What would it be like to be able to run his fingers through those mussed up strands, to be able to grip them and feel the movement of the others head? Ventus sighed hand wrapping around his length as he continued to let his imagination roll.

He had never imagined before, how it would feel to pull him away, and pin him down. The way Vanitas must look disheveled and needy, how the moonlight would catch in those golden irises, Ven would bet on it that they would glow, underneath that raven hair. Stuck to his cheeks and forehead with sweat.

He would be so beautiful, the graceful, stoic menace coming more apart beneath him with every passing second. How his name would sound rolling off Vanitas’ tongue heavy with lust and impatience. It would be wonderful to tease him, to taunt and make him beg, squirming under him for something only Ventus could give him. How it would feel to finally be able to sink into him, into that tight heat, and the noises he knew Vanitas would make.

That was as far as he got in his little fantasy before he reached his peak, spilling over his stomach and hand, panting hard as he lay there for a moment. Maybe one day he would get the chance to act out his fantasies but it didn’t seem like it would any time soon. After all Ven didn’t think he was quite brave enough to do any of that stuff outside of his own head, even though he would like too.

Sighing he grabbed a shirt off the floor, cleaning himself up and tossing it into the laundry hamper before he curled up. Wrapping himself in a blanket and staring at the wall as he yawned, lust haze fading into something soft and sleepy as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out letting him pass into sleep without even a trace of discomfort.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do, for reasons you don't understand and you have to face the consequences.

Vanitas had made a point to stay away from Eraqus’ estate, in fact he didn’t leave Xehanort’s grounds at all. Staying in the strange comfort of knowing exactly where he was supposed to be and doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Training, and training hard, not letting his mind wander here or there about much of anything other than the need to strengthen his own body and fight whatever was going on inside of himself. And fight he did, tooth and nail against any thoughts that pertained to his Master or to Ventus or to the organ between his legs that seemed to be such a matter of scrutiny for a reason he didn’t quite understand and had decided that it was better left alone. 

Even though his mind seemed to want to wander in those directions he closed it down, they just caused too much discomfort and too much confusion and he could feel the unversed spawning whenever he thought about it too much and it was awful. It made him feel like a disease to be spread out so far and wide, to have these creatures made of darkness crawling all over acting of their own will but simultaneously acting of his. That was another thing he didn’t like to think about, no, what he liked to think about and what kept him going was the ultimate goal. Forging the X-Blade and being whole again. 

He tried to believe that it didn’t matter that it would be with Ventus, it could have been anyone and he would have been perfectly content as long as someday soon he wasn’t this fractured, shattered, wreck spawning demons. That was what kept him fighting in the training yard long after the sun went down and before the first rays had even peaked over the horizon in the morning. As long as he was fighting, as long as he was working, he didn’t have to think. All he had to do was act and that was what he was good at. 

It was another one of those days, another day where the bleak blue of the morning had faded into feathered grey and then blue and somehow the midday sun had peaked over head and was already on it descent before his Master sought him out in the downy pinks of late evening. Making his way into the yard where his young apprentice was hacking his way through a training dummy with a poised recklessness that he hadn’t seen before and it brought a grin to the old mans face.

Finally his pupil was starting to tap into his true potential, starting to light the flames beneath the wicker basket of his soul and soon he would be engulfed and he would be indestructible. A force to be reckoned with and a sight to be feared. He would be perfect.

A crack split the air as a beam of light shattered the dummy into a million smouldering pieces and the teen bent over panting for breath and sucking in air as he noticed his Master’s presence behind him and turned around. Bright eyes narrowed to slits not in anger but in focus his tongue darting over his lips as he straightened up dismissing his key blade and standing quietly as he waited to be spoken to. Not missing for a moment the look of approval on his Master’s face and the sinister motivation behind it.

“Well done, Vanitas, it looks like I will have to set up a more difficult training course for you to go through.” Xehanort chimed looking around at the wreckage that his apprentice had left behind. Hardly a block standing and left intact.

“That would be appreciated, Master.” Vanitas said with a nod, tucking his hands behind him as his breath finally evened out.

“I thought so, but tonight I have a special assignment for you.” The old man’s grin grew over so slightly wider at the way Vanitas’ brow raised and his head cocked to the side.

“A special assignment? What do you mean? What is it?” It wasn’t often that he was permitted to go out on special missions and everything before this had been some sort of reconnaissance mission gathering information about different lands and their inhabitants.

“I want you to go and visit Terra, you know, Eraqus’ pupil, the older boy. His Exam is coming up and I feel as though he could use a little company.” He said it so nonchalantly that it immediately put all of Vanitas’ hairs on end. Nothing with his Master was ever as simple as a little company or anything out of the goodness of his own heart, if he even had one, which Vanitas was starting to doubt.

“Company? I don’t think I understand. Terra doesn’t seem particularly fond of me, I doubt he would desire my company.” It really just didn’t make a whole lot of sense to the teen. Why on earth would someone want his company if they weren’t even friends. Even though Ven had told him that Terra and Aqua cared about him he didn’t quite think that made them friends. Besides, they had barely talked and they didn’t have anything in common that they could talk about.

“You clearly don’t understand what I mean by company, allow me to elaborate.” Xehanort sighed tittering a hand in the air, “I want you to go and seduce Terra, give him the night of his life. His Exam is tomorrow morning and he isn’t going to pass, make that certain.”

Vanitas frowned brow creasing as the words passed his Master’s lips. So he was going in as a sabotage? He was supposed to go and seduce Terra, whatever that meant even though he was starting to have a pretty good idea, so that he would be unfocused on the day of his Exam and he would fail.

“That doesn’t exactly sound fair, Master, Terra has been working hard for his Exam and he deserves to have a fair chance of getting it the same as anyone else would.” Vanitas mulled catching the sharp look his Master gave him.

“It is not your place to question my means, Terra is part of a bigger plan and if he completes his Exam he will no longer be part of that plan. I can’t have that Vanitas, you have to understand. Don’t you want to be whole again?” The last part was said with a cruel bite and Vanitas felt his insides clench.

“More than anything else in the world…” He murmured shoulders slumping slightly.

“Good, than do as I say and we will be a step closer to getting you joined with Ventus again. Don’t disappoint me Vanitas.” And with that he turned on his heel and walked off leaving Vanitas where he stood with a bad taste rising in his mouth and a feeling he couldn’t quite identify clawing at the inside of his chest.

It didn’t seem right, not at all, not to go in and sabotage his friend on one of the most important nights of his life. But Terra was strong, maybe he would just tell him to get lost and he would have to return defeated. After all he couldn’t force someone to be with him, things didn’t work that way. That was the outcome he was going to hope for, to just be turned away at the door and told to go home. Which he would then do and there would be nothing else to be said about it. Xehanort would just have to find a way to work around Terra passing his exam.

With the thought very firmly imbedded in his mind that he would be returning home shortly after attempting in his seduction Vanitas headed for the showers to clean up. After all there was no way he would even be half presentable for a seduction when there were splinters in his hair, dirt smudged over every available surface and he smelled like something had crawled into his suit and died. Not a chance in hell he would tarnish his reputation like that.

The sun had sunken well beyond the horizon by the time Vanitas made his way to the land of Departure. Landing his portal out on the grounds and pacing around the building before slinking inside, boots sounding hushed on the expansive floors even though he felt they should make a whole lot more noise. Trying to disregard the repulsive feeling that clawed at his throat he made his way towards Terra’s room, seeing the light from under the door from down the hall. Everything else was dark, Aqua’s room, Ventus’ room, the library. It was still rather early but it was the night before the exam and the fact that Terra was still even awake was surprising to him.

Speak of happenings though as he approached the door the light turned off and Vanitas paused. He shouldn’t be doing this, it wasn’t fair and it didn’t feel like it should be happening. It made his mind twist and his insides feel like a wet sponge, but he couldn’t disobey a direct order, he at least had to try. Taking a deep breath he put a hand to the door opening a channel directly into the room and stepping through it. He didn’t want to risk waking the others with the sound of knock and it seemed like a simpler way to get in. His mind was racing as he saw the lump of blankets on the bed and he tried to gather all the little scraps of information he had been able to gather about what he should be doing.

“Hello Terra,” His voice was a whisper in the darkness but Terra shot straight up catching the glint of moonlight off Vanitas’ eyes before the cord of the table lamp was pulled illuminating the room again and making Vanitas squint against the yellow light.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Terra hissed looking around the room seeing the door still shut and the window tightly closed. He was one hundred percent certain that he hadn’t heard the door open so how the hell did Vanitas get in?

“W-well…I came to see you.” That was a whole lot less confident than he had intended it to be and he took a breath shoving down the uncomfortable mess billowing in his stomach and flashing a smile. He needed to be confident, he needed to be in control, he needed to try.

“Why?” Poor Terra just wanted to sleep, he had been training all day and he didn’t want Vanitas to be standing here in his room looking like he had just swallowed a bug and was trying not to throw up. 

“I’ve been thinking about you since I was here last, Ventus told me that you were worried about me, I wanted to come and say thank you.” There we go, he was starting to feel better as he paced over to the bed, grin placing itself upon his lips. This was just another mission, this was nothing personal. He was going to get to go home soon.

“Uh, well you’re welcome I guess. I was just doing what was right. I couldn’t leave you there in a heap on the floor.” Terra stumbled scooting back to sit up straighter as Vanitas approached and he couldn’t help but get the feeling that he was a sitting duck. How quickly Vanitas had changed from bug eater to something a lot more sinister in only a matter of seconds.

“I’ve seen you train, you’re quite remarkable.” There was a certain sort of undertone that Terra couldn’t quite place that hit somewhere between infatuation and disgust, but the way Vanitas’ eyes raked over his bare chest and blanket covered legs sent chills lacing through his spine. So it was this sort of visit.

“Vanitas, what do you want. I have to sleep, I have my Exam tomorrow and I need rest.” Terra huffed shifting towards the wall as Vanitas came to a stand still at the edge of his bed. Those eyes burning and intense and he wanted them to look away before they looked too close. 

In the soft light from the table lamp every single ridge and curve of the teen was defined and the skin tight suit didn’t aid at all in the masking of the body beneath. He had to know what he was doing, he had to know how such an outfit led the eye and the mind to darker places. Terra understood the way Ventus looked at the dark haired teen, he knew those looks of longing and he was certain Vanitas was more than capable of delivering on the ideas he planted in his head. 

“I want you, Terra, isn’t it obvious? Do I need to spell it out for you?” That cruel tone turning his lips in a smirk and a brow raising. Vanitas must live for teasing the hell out of people, Terra was certain just by the way he carried himself.

“Well, sorry to disappoint you but I need to sleep, I have things to do tomorrow and I don’t need your distractions.” Terra said voice firm and giving him a no nonsense look.

Vanitas didn’t look quite so convinced but he shrugged spinning on a heel and starting to walk away, pausing to look over his shoulder before he reached the door.

“If that’s what you wish, I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” There was a hint of hurt in his words and Terra frowned, “I just thought we could have a bit of fun before you become some great Key Blade Master and don’t have time for little apprentices like me.” Vanitas sniffed continuing towards the door though he was half relieved that he had been turned away.

Sure his Master was going to be mad but at least he didn’t have to hold the responsibility of Terra’s failing on his shoulders. He didn’t really want to know what failing this mission was going to get him, maybe beat again, maybe more training, who knew.

“Wait, Vanitas…” Terra called dragging himself out of bed and over to where the teen had froze before the door.

Fuck.

Swallowing Vanitas turned around plastering the grin back on his face as he looked up at Terra. Well so much for going home early and not having to do this, it had been a nice thought well it lasted but now that’s all it looked like it was going to be, a thought.

“Yes?” He cooed watching the older boy shift from foot to foot for a moment clearly watching the debate go on in his head. Quite entertaining to know he could cause such confusion and discourse with only a few simple words.

He didn’t get to think much more though as Terra grabbed him, shoving him against the door and capturing his lips in a harsh kiss. It caught Vanitas off guard and he barely had a moment to think of what he was supposed to be doing before he realized he was supposed to be kissing Terra back. Gloved hands grasping at his shoulders as he threw himself into the action. It was as violent as could be expected, all teeth and nips and tongues pressing against each other before they broke apart.

Terra was certain Vanitas looked like he was about to commit murder, with violence in his eyes as he stared back at him. Tongue darting out over his reddened lips as his fingers dug into Terra’s shoulder. It was a look that made Terra think maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, maybe he should just send Vanitas away. But the chance to get a taste of whatever the dark haired boy was made of was far over powering. Like Vanitas had said, he may never get a chance to do something like this again after tomorrow, this was his own private good luck party.

“Do you think about me a lot than?” Terra grinned pulling the boy back towards his bed watching how easily he followed along, like silk through his fingers.

“Oh, all the time.” Lies, all lies and Vanitas hated the sound of the words in his voice. Like a record player set in some sultry tempting tone that seemed to be irresistible. He was just feeding him what he wanted to hear and Terra was eating it up.

He felt the back of his knees hit the mattress and he sat down, kicking his boots off and crawling up onto the bed. Pulling the jaw guard off and tossing it to the ground hearing the clack as it hit the wooden floor. When he looked back up Terra was completely naked, not that he had been wearing more than sleep pants before but it was surprise to see. He felt like he should be cataloging something, keeping something for later reference but all he could seem to do was focus on the fact that he was naked and that he needed to be doing something now, not just sitting, not just staring.

“You like what you see?” Terra teased and Vanitas had to fight not to role his eyes because really he couldn’t care less, this was a mission, this was a job, he didn’t care what Terra looked like under his stupid umbrella pants. 

“Absolutely.” Vanitas cooed letting his own suit meld away until he was just as naked as Terra was and he watched the way the others eyes trailed over him and something inside him squirmed as he realized exactly what he was getting himself into. Though he wasn’t exactly sure how he had started to lose control of this situation all he knew was that he wasn’t the one leading this parade anymore because he didn’t know how.

Terra could see his discomfort clear as day and he crawled on the bed hand cupping Vanitas’ cheek and pulling him forward into another kiss, though softer and gentle, he knew fear when he saw it and he didn’t want this to go sour. He would never want something like this to go bad.

“You okay? Do you want to stop? You don’t have to Vanitas.” Terra murmured and he heard Vanitas’ breath catch in his throat.

“I said I wanted you, didn’t I? If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t be.” Vanitas snapped and it was the heat in his words that convinced Terra. The heat and the quivering muscle under his fingers as he pushed Vanitas back onto the mattress. 

He knew if Vanitas didn’t want to be there he could get away, he was a very capable adversary. Terra had seen the way Vanitas could move and the way he thought, if he wanted to leave he would just get up and leave, and if he tried to stop him. Terra had no doubt he would be the next occupant of the medical room.

“Than just relax Vanitas, I’m not going to hurt you.” Terra said, voice softer than a whisper and sending chills down his spine.

Vanitas wasn’t afraid of being hurt, no, he had more than enough experience with getting injured to know how to take care of himself should the need arise. He wasn’t afraid of Terra turning on him and trying to break him, in fact he expected it, why wouldn’t he? He was trained to expect the worst in people and the worst in everything. But still as much as he would like to tell himself he wasn’t afraid, he was. It was there, deep and cold, sinking to the bottom of his belly before gripping his throat in jagged claws as Terra’s fingers trailed over his chest and down his abdomen. Mapping every surface and spans of skin under careful ministrations.

That’s what he was afraid of, this thing that wasn’t violent, that wasn’t completely unknown but was foreign enough to be just out of the grasp of his mind. Lips against his throat in gentle mouthing kisses where there should have been teeth and tearing and blood. His training had not prepared himself for this, not at all, this was something completely different than the fighting and spells and long hard hours he had tucked under his belt. This was all soft touches and the feeling of butterflies against his inner thighs and his mind was gone. Reaching out somewhere far and distant to try and place the proper reaction and find some sort of guidance.

What brought him back to earth was the delicate prodding of slicked fingers slipped between his legs and against his entrance. Discomfort was the first thing that popped into his mind followed quite closely by confused anger that Terra would dare to touch him there and he almost opened his mouth to voice his opinion before he realized that he was in no position to say anything and to act on instinct would be to sabotage his mission.

Instead he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beat hammering away in his chest as Terra worked him open with such care. Pressing kisses to his inner thighs as slid another finger into him, stilling for a moment as Vanitas tensed and he heard the shudder of breath before he relaxed again.

As far as Terra was concerned Vanitas was gorgeous in this moment. Dark hair stuck in every which direction, skewed over his face and a few strands clinging to his lips. He looked like some kind of angel fallen to earth, golden eyes snatching up the moonlight whenever he opened them for half a second to glance at Terra. The way the shadows pooled under his ribs as though he were a garden, as if perhaps the boy beneath him were no more than a dream that would be swept away with the rising sun and his impending future. But for this night Vanitas was his, even if he should never lay a hand or eye on him again.

Vanitas felt him pull his hand away and his eyes flickered open watching the beams of moonlight slant over the others body as he moved. Holding in the breath of relief that he was no longer being touched for he sensed this was far from over and he was proved right only moments later as Terra leaned over him. One hand steady against his hip and Vanitas let out a steady breath, worry clinging thick in his throat as he looked up at him and saw nothing but clouds in his eyes.

Inside his chest he wrapped himself up, cloaking and strapping down the part of him that wanted to run and the part that was screaming that Terra was his friend and that his was wrong and that he should tell Terra to stop. Locked it so far deep inside of himself that he didn’t even have to look at it anymore and his head cleared of everything. Of the worry and of the doubt and there was only the mission and there was only Terra.

Even though his breath caught in his throat as he felt the head of his cock press into him and the uncomfortable sensation that followed that wasn’t quite pain but it wasn’t something he had expected flowed through him. It wasn’t until Terra was fully inside of him that Vanitas realized he had been holding his breath and that his eyes were closed. As soon as he opened them though he wished he hadn’t, not to see the look of concern plastered on Terra’s face and it hit him that he must be able to read him like an open book. Read every single nuance of discomfort and uncertainty that was written on his cheeks.

Swallowing he forced a smile to his lips and pulled him close, kissing him again. Vanitas didn’t trust his voice not to break and shatter if he tried to open his mouth and speak some words of reassurance or encouragement. Instead he poured every ounce of energy into pulling Terra in, arms looped around his neck and legs hooking around his waist. Letting his mind sink and consume with action and not with thought as Terra began to rock into him sending jolts and shivers up his spine that weren’t all entirely unpleasant and were enough to arouse some interest in himself. 

He could feel the heat pooling to his groin and those stupid, pathetic, noises clawing at his throat and slipping around the edges of his lips. They fell uncharted the same way Vanitas fell into the rhythm of movement into the spikes and dips of pleasure lacing through him and making his toes curl.

This wasn’t what he had thought it would be and his thoughts were fuzzy and clouded, hooked on the richness of the sensations coiled in the air around him and burning inside of him. The heat of Terra’s ragged breath against his shoulder and his own gasps and pants pouring through the otherwise still night air hot as flame.

It felt as though it was over before it had barely begun and there was a pool of come cooling rapidly against his stomach and Terra had stilled on top of him, cock still jerking slightly as he rode out his climax. Vanitas though there should be something, some strange feeling or some unexpected ending but there was only heat, and wet and the feeling of emptiness as Terra pulled out of him and grabbed a towel. Cleaning them both up before he lay down beside Vanitas pulling him close against his chest.

Both of them still damp with sweat and the scent of sex hanging thick in the air. He didn’t want to be touched but yet still he lay in Terra’s arms letting the other brush his fingers through his hair untangling snarls and pressing kisses along his shoulders. Neither of them saying anything, not that Vanitas could think of anything to say. He felt blank as a slate and he swallowed unable to feel the rest that Terra seemed to find so easily. 

It all seemed to leap to his chest like a Jack in the Box as Terra took his hand against his chest, smoothing his thumb over the pads of his fingers. He was ruining a life and Terra didn’t even know it, he had opened the door to the darkness in every sense of the word and there was no turning back now. He couldn’t even try and blame Terra for it, this was all of his doing and tomorrow Terra was going to realize what had happened and there would be no more of this so called friendship that they had fostered. Vanitas wanted to run as far as he could but instead he curled closer to Terra feeling the thrum of his heart against his back and the hushes of breath over his neck.

Selfish, he knew it was selfish, but he deserved something even if he never got to understand why things were the way they were, or why his Master wanted any of this so badly. How it somehow fit into the bigger plan. At the very least he wanted just one night where someone wanted him enough to do what they had just done and more than anything he just wanted to hear that he wasn’t a monster.

Even if he would never believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone that leaves Kudo's on this work and that leaves me the wonderful comments. Honestly, nothing makes me happier than seeing that I have a message or that my work has gotten kudo's.   
> I never thought this would gain traction the way it has but there are already over 300 hits and that just makes my heart so happy. Thank you everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas is messed up about things and Xehanort is worried

It was nearing the twelfth hour when Vanitas pried himself away from Terra, gathering his boots and jaw guard and reassembling himself into something more presentable. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror atop the small desk and he scowled, even in the dark of the night he looked debauched and it filled his stomach with disgust. His hair flattened on one side and his neck a map of dark marks that he was glad his suit covered up once it was back in place. He smelled like the sex that still seemed to cling in the air and plague every movement of his body.

Stupid, disgusting, insolent, pile of filth. All of this an atrocity, this entire plan, this entire act. How much of an idiot did all of these people take him for? Vanitas opened a portal stepping through it and out into the courtyard stalking through the grounds with murder on his fingertips. All everyone saw of him was ‘Master Xehanort’s apprentice’, following orders, skulking around like a crimson cat. Clearly some object of adoration and something to be desired if Ventus’ and Terra’s actions had been anything to go by. Even his own Master seemed to have some desire for him and that thought made him pause, bile gurgling up in his stomach as he turned feeling the nausea building. The bush near by served as a well enough place to hack into, strings of spittle hanging from his lips though nothing came up and he sucked breath trying to calm his clenching stomach.

When he could regain himself he stood wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and continuing forward up through the pathway to one of the lookouts. Staring over the land and the many canyons and the small twinkle of lights from the Estate below him. It would be so easy, they were all just asleep in there waiting for their big day to come once the sun broke the horizon. How pathetic.

He growled stepping to the edge of the cliff side and stepping off, relishing the wind rushing up past his face and over his body before he opened the channel back to his Master’s Estate. After all they must keep up appearances and he was positive if he appeared as he was now he would never hear he end of it. No, he needed a good clean and a few hours of sleep and to collect himself before he appeared to anyone other than his Master. To do anything else would be simply unacceptable. 

-

There was something wrong with Vanitas, Xehanort could sense it the moment he appeared back on the grounds. He didn’t stop him, didn’t even interact with him, only watched from an upper window as the boy stalked across the courtyard pausing only for a moment as though he could sense he was being watched before continuing into the Estate. It was there, in the way he walked and the way his aura positively oozed with something unpredictable and dangerous. 

Partially it thrilled Xehanort to see such untamed power flowing through something he controlled, but it also shook him, made him wonder how much of Vanitas he truly controlled or if he just thought he controlled him. Vanitas was loyal though, if anything, the teen was loyal to his Master’s wishes despite his temper and his penchant for acting out. He had never directly gone against any of his Master’s wishes and that was the way Xehanort hoped to keep it. Though with the way Vanitas was fuming he may need another reminder of who exactly was in control of this situation.

He made his way down towards Vanitas room where he was sure he would find the teen but much to his surprise he was not there. Xehanort only had to follow the trail of despair that led him straight to the kitchen where he found Vanitas tucked up in one of the window bays staring out into the night even though there was nothing to see, a mug cradled in his hands. 

“Vanitas…” 

“Master.” The word was harsh and clipped in such a way that it made Xehanort’s blood run cold for a moment.

“I am to assume the mission was a success by your miserable attitude.” Xehanort said his voice as calm and level as ever though he was watching Vanitas’ every move. 

Watching the way his shoulders tensed and his head swiveled from the darkness outside to stare at Xehanort, eyes absolutely blank and his lips turned in the slightest frown.

“Master, you could say that. I should say my ‘company’ was well received. As it has always been, by everyone who has partaken in it. Including yourself.” The chill was still there and Xehanort got the distinct impression that he was being mocked. Even though the usual lilt was not there.

“You know those lessons were purely informative, Vanitas, don’t be a brat.” Xehanort scoffed.

Vanitas moved in one fluid motion from the window sill to the ground. Bare feet hardly making a sounds as they hit the tile, the clink of the mug as it was set down making more sound than his entire movement.

“So you are to say, that should I offer myself to you, you would decline. Politely I’m sure, as all your speeches are ever so polite.” Vanitas spat, violent golden eyes raking over him and Xehanort took a step back to give both of them some room.

Vanitas’ behavior was volatile and unchecked, he was clearly upset at his role in their plan or perhaps he just didn’t fancy Terra enough to have enjoyed himself. Maybe he should have sent him after Aqua instead, though it hardly mattered at this point. The teen closed the space between them in a few well placed steps and through the darkness Xehanort could see his face clearly now, the ruddy colour of his cheeks and the liquid in his eyes. Tears that hadn’t yet been spilt but were brimming to fall at any given notice.

“You have that absolutely correct, I would have to politely decline your offer and send you to bed since you’re being such a child.” Xehanort frowned shaking his head as Vanitas’ lips turned into a scowl.

“What? What the fuck, Master? Am I not good enough for you? Am I only good enough to be a tool or to be on my knees?” He was livid and Xehanort saw no way that this could end well for either of them, though he didn’t particularly care. He could outmatch Vanitas any day even though he would prefer not to fight with the teen tonight.

“That would be correct as well, watch your language and go get some rest. I don’t know what has gotten into you but you are being-”

“Another man’s dick is what had gotten into me! Master! You didn’t even warn me!” So that’s what was wrong, he was upset about being under informed about his mission. 

The tears that had been threatening to fall finally did and Vanitas batted them away furiously, he was not weak, he would not cry. He was not some pathetic little creature that could be tossed around and used and corrupted. He was not expendable.

“Well, I am very sorry that you were not prepared for this mission, I thought you had more knowledge than you do. I made a mistake, Vanitas.” The teen seemed to be caught off guard by the readily had apology and he straightened up regarding Xehanort with distrust, “You handled your other mission so well, I just assumed… You did good though, even though you were not prepared. Come here.”

The old man held his arms out as though he was ushering a small child into his arms. Sometimes he forgot that Vanitas was still new to this whole life, that he didn’t know much of anything outside this Estate and the things Xehanort had told him. Vanitas didn’t move more a moment and then all in a rush he slunk into Xehanorts arms, face pressed against his chest as Xehanort wrapped his arms around him. Holding the boy as he felt the silent sobs wrack through his form.

“Come now, we have a big day tomorrow, you need to get some sleep.” Xehanort hushed and Vanitas pulled away from him palming his eyes to mop away the tears and standing up straight.

“Yes, Master.” He whispered walking past him back towards his room.

Xehanort watched him go, half wondering where his boots had gotten to and half relieved that a simple apology had been enough to defuse Vanitas and stop what had looked like something very violent happening. If only every argument with Vanitas ended in something as simple as being able to hug it out and send him to bed. 

And how difficult that had been, so many different branches that their conversation could have gone. He was positive with only a few keen words that he would have been able to have Vanitas to himself right there on the window sill. Though that could have cause irreparable damage to his apprentice, he would probably never trust him the same way again. Even as it stood Vanitas wasn’t particularly interested in trusting his Master, but he did seem to put his faith in him all the same.

Adjusting the collar of his coat Xehanort made his way back to his own room pausing in front of Vanitas’ door and listening to the sounds of the teen shuffling around inside for a moment before he continued on his way. Debating whether it would be a good idea or not to bring Vanitas with him to the Exam in the morning, perhaps not when he was in such a stare as this, though perhaps it would be beneficial to have him there as a distraction for Terra.

-

By the time the sun peeked its first rays over the horizon Vanitas was already up and ready to go, cleaned and sleek as if the night before had never happened. Perched up in the window sill, which he had long ago decided was ‘his’ window sill, with a mug precariously settled beside him and a bagel in hand. Nibbling around the edges of the bread as he watched the birds waking up outside and the sky shifting from its morning grey to pinks and oranges and blues. There was something about the early morning that he absolutely adored, sure he would rather be asleep, but when he took the time to just sit and watch the dark fade to light it was truly satisfying. Though watching the day fade to night was much more so.

He hadn’t slept a wink that night drifting somewhere between fury and boiling sorrow for the few hours he had stayed in his room. Nothing was making even a lick of sense to him and now he was going to have to go and watch the aftermath of what he had created spill out onto the ground. It was going to be awful, he already knew it and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The fact that it was out of his control made his stomach churn and the remainder of the bagel in his hand look just that much more unappealing, not that it had been all that appealing before.

Shoving the remainder of the dry bread in his mouth he washed it down with the rest of his tea, as coffee was not permitted he didn’t have another choice, and swung down off the ledge going to wait in the courtyard for his Master to show up. Kicking up little piles of dust as he waited and spinning them with a finger into mini tornadoes before they dissolved. Mostly he was just messing around to pass the time but also because he didn’t get the chance to just mess around all that often, and no, he wasn’t counting what happened with Terra as messing around.

It seemed like it took forever for his Master to finally appear even though it couldn’t have been that long judging by the fact that the sun hadn’t moved all that much. Silently they left together, neither of them having a word to say to the other. At Eraqus’ Estate Vanitas was left in the hall, not permitted to come into the Exam chambers even though no one but Eraqus had arrived yet.

He stood along the wall a little ways away from the doors staring at the patterns in the marble floors as he heard footsteps approaching and looked up seeing Aqua striding her way down the hall a look of determination on her features. She paused as she passed him though giving him a friendly smile.

“Good morning, Vanitas, I take it you’re feeling better.” She lilted and Vanitas nodded offering a smile back though it didn’t reach his eyes in the least.

“Good morning to you as well, I am much better thank you for your help that day. I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother.” It was friendly banter for the sole reason that his Master had told him he had to keep up appearances no matter what, that was a rule. If it wasn’t he would have told her straight there and then that she needed to put off taking the Exam, that it was rigged for Terra to fail, but he didn’t, he said nothing of the sort.

“I’m glad to hear it, we were worried about you.” She was still smiling and Vanitas was trying his damndest not to let his utter distain for this show through.

“You shouldn’t have worried, Ventus took wonderful care of me.” He said with a nod, “You should hurry along, don’t want to be late for your Exam. Good luck.” 

She laughed a little giving a slight bow, Vanitas really wasn’t such a bad kid. Sure he was a little standoffish and didn’t give a great first impression but he seemed sweet enough after a while.

“Thank you, Vanitas. I’m sure I’ll see you after.” Aqua gave a little wave as she continued down the hall and into the room.

Vanitas waved back but slumped against the wall once she was out of sight, arms hugging around himself for a moment as he took a deep shuddering breath and tried to calm the nerves fluttering through his stomach and fighting to get out his throat. Managing to escape in the form of a small whine. How pitiful.

“Vanitas? I didn’t know you would be here!” Ventus called dashing down the hall and skidding to a stop in front of him., “This is super! Are they letting you come in the exam room?” 

“Nah, I have to stay out here, something about me being a major distraction or something, I don’t know.” Vanitas shrugged brushing a hand through his hair trying to act as though he hadn’t been on the verge of crumbling inside out only a moment ago.

“Aw man, that sucks! They said I can come in…I don’t know why you would be any more of a distraction than I would be…” Ventus frowned giving a little palms up shrug.

“Well, than I expect you to tell me all about it when it’s over.” He offered a smile and watched as Ven’s cheeks turned crimson and he nodded furiously.

Vanitas as confused, all he had done was smile but apparently that had the same affect as if he had stuck his hands down the front of his pants. How strange. 

“I will, I better get going though, don’t want to be late.” Ventus practically squeaked running off into the same direction Aqua had gone leaving Vanitas standing there alone and confused.

Well there was only one of them left to go and he waited until he heard the steady thump of footsteps making their way down the hall. Taking a deep breath to face Terra as he rounded the corner stopping as well as he passed Vanitas, eyes travelling up and down his body.

“You sure do pull of this ‘walking shadow’ thing pretty good.” Terra smiled catching Vanitas slightly off guard by the bright look and the cheerful attitude. Maybe their plan hadn’t worked.

“I guess I was just born this way.” Vanitas sighed nonchalantly looking up at Terra as he got closer. 

Vanitas could sense the darkness inside him the same way his Master could, only today it was pooling near the surface and ready to be plucked forth and used. 

“I guess you were.” Terra’s hands were on Vanitas now, pulling him back into a small little alcove hidden from view, “I wasn’t surprised that you were gone when I woke up.”

“I know, I didn’t think you would be.” Vanitas’ voice was no more than a hushed whisper though it felt far too loud.

“I dreamed about you, I thought you should know…I was hoping after the Exam we could meet up somewhere. Maybe play it out.” Terra’s words were sincere but Vanitas wanted to scream.

Instead he looped his arms around Terra’s waist, hands slipping down the back of his pants and letting gloved fingers dig into flesh. Hearing the slight gasp from above him before he looked up.

“You know what? I think we have enough time before the Exam starts to have a little bit of fun.” Vanitas cooed looking through his lashes as Terra’s cheeks coloured and his eyes darted to the hallway and back at Vanitas again.

What was he doing? What the hell was he even doing? Hadn’t he done enough to ruin this poor boys life? No, Vanitas just had to take it that extra step. There was no reason for it but the words had spilled out of his lips before he had even taken a second to think them over and now it wasn’t as though he could rewind time and pull them back in.

“Are…are you sure?” Terra asked worrying his lip between his teeth as Vanitas’ hands slid around to the front of his pants before he set to work unlacing the belt and slipping them down over his hips.

“If you don’t want too, we don’t have too.” Vanitas grinned voice filled with a seductive sort of venom that made Terra’s thoughts grind to a halt.

“No, we can. Oh god, Vanitas.” He groaned as the teen dropped to his knees fingers wrapping around his cock, coaxing it to life.

The texture of the gloves around his sensitive flesh so strange and foreign that within moments his hips were jerking into Vanitas’ hands and his lips hadn’t even touched him yet. When Vanitas finally replaced his hands with his mouth, if Terra had been able to conjure a coherent thought it was gone. Instead weaving his fingers through Vanitas’ hair simply for something to hold on to.

Vanitas was trying not to think about it, trying to think only of the ultimate goal, of merging with Ventus and finally being whole again. Not of all these little steps that it was taking him to get there, not of the heavy weight of flesh against his tongue or the fingers tangled infuriatingly through his hair. He was going to have to fix that now and he was less than pleased. He shoved the disdain building in his chest aside though as he focused on the task at hand. On the soft little gasps and barely held back moans he was drawing from the other boy.

Vanitas felt the finger tighten in his hair almost painfully so as Terra came without warning, coating the inside of his mouth in salty fluid and he had to fight not to pull away and instead stay where he was. Looking up through his lashes to see Terra staring down at him in wonderment as Vanitas drew himself away, pink tongue darting over swollen lips before he pulled Terra’s pants back up into place. The fingers that had moments ago been on his cock, lacing his belt back up again. 

Shaking his head to dislodge the hand that was still threaded through his hair Vanitas stood up, flashing that signature smirk as Terra came back down to earth. 

“Now go show them what you’re made of.” Vanitas cooed shoving Terra out of the alcove and towards the door not leaving time for any parting words.

Terra didn’t argue stumbling a step or two as he looked over his shoulder at where Vanitas was leaning against the wall.

“Wish me luck!” Terra called as he grabbed the door handle.

“Oh, you won’t need it.” Vanitas grinned giving him a little wave as he disappeared through the door.

The second he heard it bang shut he turned on his heel and made his way down towards the bathroom to wash his mouth out and fix his hair. Every second step having to shove down the feelings of guilt and shame that were clawing their way up his throat at the fact that he could purposely be doing something so cruel to someone that seemed to care about him. It just didn’t seem right in any sense, not at all.

Maybe he would still pass and all this worry would be for naught. Staring at himself in the reflection of the mirror as he fixed the tousled mess from Terra’s hands he sighed at what looked back at him. A tired boy with mussed up hair that gave blowjobs to people in broad daylight for the purpose of sabotage. Where the hell had he gone wrong?

No more of this, this was the last time he would do anything like this. Xehanort would just have to work around him not going out on these ‘special missions’ he didn’t care how stubborn it made him look. It just wasn’t worth the guilt he felt boiling under his ribs. Finally he got his hair back the way he wanted it and headed back out into the hallway where he had been standing before. Listening to the sound of clashing blades inside the room and the sounds of distress following the pervading darkness leeching out from under the door.

The hourglass had finally been tipped, it was only a matter of time until the sand ran all the way through to the other side.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas tries to light fires, not literally of course, but he's gotta get Ven moving somehow.

Vanitas couldn’t sit around the estate anymore listening to what was going on inside the room and knowing what was inevitably going to happen. He couldn’t just stand there and pretend he didn’t know what was going on. No there would he wouldn’t play the fool in this but he wouldn’t let himself be caught up in whatever was going to come spewing forth out of that door once the Exam was over.

Swallowing thickly he made his way out into the courtyard finding a patch of grass and propping himself up against the stone wall in a little patch of shade cast by the mid morning sun. It was a pleasant enough day out though it always seemed to be pleasant at Eraqus’ and he wasn’t sure if it was just because the atmosphere was nicer here or if there was an enchantment cast around to keep the sun out and the clouds at bay. Either way it hardly seemed fitting for a day like this, it felt more like there should be storm clouds brewing on the horizon or lightning striking at the mountain sides. Not a rosy day with fluffy white clouds peaking in and out in front of the sun and the blue sky bright behind the leaves of the trees. 

No, this was all wrong and he was having a hard time stomaching it, the perverse sensation that he truly did wrong this time. More so than any other mission he had been set out to accomplish and more than anything the unversed had ever caused. It made him feel like some sort of monster that would be better of sludging around at the bottom of the ocean reaching up with slime covered tentacles to trap unsuspecting swimmers and boats. Not a boy, not someone who was supposed to achieve things and have a purpose. None of this made sense to him how sabotaging Terra was going to help them forge the X-Blade or how it was going to get Ventus to agree to join with him.

There was commotion from within the building and he heard his name being called. Popping to his feet he trod his way back inside the building to where his Master was waiting looking pleased as all hell with himself and it made Vanitas cringe though he pulled his helmet back on so he couldn’t see his face. Not thinking Xehanort would appreciate seeing such uncertainty coating his apprentices features.

“I think that went well, don’t you Vanitas?” Xehanort chimed as he walked through the halls his apprentice quick on his heels.

“I’m going to guess that it did since you seem pleased, Master.” He answered keeping his tone steady despite the rising bile in his throat.

“It went wonderful, but now we have to deal with Ventus. We need to get him away from this place, seclude him where he doesn’t have a choice but to join with you and bring me the X-Blade.” Xehanort snorted turning a corner and looking over at Vanitas who had fallen silent. 

A thousand and one questions and concerns racing through his mind as he tried to think of something to say. Did his Master mean to hurt Ventus? Kidnap him maybe? How was he going to force Ventus to join with him? It didn’t make any sense.

“What do you make of Ventus?” The words broke him out of his stupor and he bit back the sigh that wanted to be freed from his lungs.

“He, uh, he’s not going to cut it. Not yet Master. Someone’s gotta break him in…or give him some incentive to leave home. He’s not strong enough to do anything yet.” Vanitas huffed the words tumbling from his lips faster than he could stop them as his mind scrambled for something, anything to hold onto. He just needed time to think.

Xehanort gave him and odd look eyes creasing into slits for a moment before he nodded.

“Do what you will, Vanitas, remember though I’ve got to keep up appearances and I would appreciate if my reputation was not tarnished by your…activities.” He hummed changing direction as Vanitas fell behind slightly.

“Yes Master…” Vanitas sighed stopping where he was to let the weight of the world and of his task rest on his shoulders and rain down his neck in heavy drops chilling him to the core.

-

In his room Ventus was waiting sent there after the Exam so Aqua and Eraqus could talk and Terra had needed some alone time after he had failed the Exam. He couldn’t see how Terra could have failed he had been so good and he had practiced and studied so hard but he had still been told he hadn’t passed. He had seemed so broken up about it too but Ventus assumed he would have been just as upset had he worked so hard to get there and been denied what he had wanted.

Staring up at the wooden keyblade Terra had given him, what felt like forever ago now, he sighed swinging the thing through the air to and fro letting his eyes blur slightly. His friends being upset made him upset and what had started out as such a nice day full of possibility had turned out to be quite bitter sweet. He knew he should be happy for Aqua, that she had passed with flying colours but he couldn’t help but he upset that Terra had failed. At least he could retake the Exam in a few months and try to get his Mark of Mastery then. It wasn’t like all hope was lost.

The chiming of the bell in the clock tower caught his attention and he bounded to his feet. He had been told to come down once the bell tolled and they would all go out together. Him and Aqua and Terra, they were going to have the rest of the afternoon free to do whatever they wanted and they could do it together.

He was almost at the door before he felt that chill of Vanitas’ channel opening and he ground to a halt spinning on his heel to find the other teen leaning against his dresser looking nonchalant as ever though he could see the tension in his shoulders and even with the mask on it was heavy in the air.

“Better hurry, Ventus.” Vanitas growled his voice was thick with something Ven couldn’t quite identify but it sounded a whole lot like pain and for a split second his instincts made him want to make sure he was okay.

“Or you’ll never see Terra again.” That though, made his heart skip a beat and he frowned wooden blade clenched tightly in his hand. 

What was wrong with him? Why was he talking like that and being so cynical? Vanitas knew they all lived together he knew that Terra and him were best friends and he thought that Vanitas liked Terra, at least they had seemed friendly enough and Terra had talked about him with some amount of empathy.

“What are you talking about? I can see Terra whenever I want.” Ventus squeaked back this whole situation feeling off and not right and it made his stomach twist and turn.

“Like right now?” Vanitas bit out and the frustration was evident in his voice, it was so similar to the tone he used before they had spent any time together, that one that shook his core. “He’s leaving you behind.”

Ventus froze trying to search for an indication that Vanitas was lying, that he was just trying to be antagonistic and a pain in the ass. That there wasn’t an ounce of truth behind his words but he found nothing that he was looking for.

“By the time you catch up, if you catch up, he’ll be a different person. He won’t be your friend anymore Ventus.” His tone was more heated spilling from his lips, “He’ll be different and you’ll be alone. You can’t Ventus. You can’t.”

“Are you trying to pick a fight, Vanitas?” Ven hissed already taking a step back into a fighting stance though Vanitas just huffed shoving himself off the dresser and taking a few steps forward.

“Oh grow up. Is that what you call friendship? Someone who just leaves without warning? You need better friends, Ventus. But what could you possibly know. Stuck here staring at nothing but what’s in your tiny, insignificant world.” The channel opened up and before Ventus could get a word in edgewise Vanitas was gone.

What had he been talking about? Did Vanitas know something he didn’t? Had he been talking to Terra? With panic rising in his chest Ventus booked it from his room taking the stairs two at a time into the courtyard.

-

From the top of the Estate up on the sun warmed tiles Vanitas sat and watched the scene play out below him. Watched Ventus chase down Terra and watched him leave without so much as a good bye, leading the foolish child right along after him like a puppy chasing a string.

He sat there for a long while staring at the spot where they both had been, long after Master Aqua had retreated to inform Eraqus of what had happened, and long after the sun had moved to mid setting already threatening to slip past the horizon. Vanitas was sick, his stomach twisting and curdling feeling like it was going to burn him from the inside out. What was the purpose of all this? To forge the X-Blade for his Master but what next? What of that, to start a war and to have countless lives be lost. 

Vanitas was never going to get what he was looking for and the weight of that was shoving down on him heavier than it ever had before. At least in the past he had been able to entertain the idea of being whole and being perfect and the world finally seeming right. Now though, he would be whole, yes. But the world was going to be fragmented and broken he was going to just continue to be another tool in Xehanort’s mission. It wasn’t going to end with him and Ventus, it never was, they were both just pawns waiting to be traded for a queen in Xehanort’s game.

It was all just hopeless and it filled him with dread, this entire day was hell bent on sinking him to the lowest possible point and then shoving him down even further. Taking a heavy breath he stood up opening the channel back to his home and stepping through it. Pausing in the courtyard now sunken with dusk around Xehanort’s Estate and looking around at just how still it was. How absolutely still and perfect it was without anything there to disturb it. How nice it would be if it could just stay like this forever but soon it would all be destroyed.

This was all Ventus’ fault.

If he hadn’t been split than this never would have happened, they would never be separated and there would never be a need to join back together to create this stupid thing. There wasn’t even a need for him to exist at all! He was created solely to be a tool, to be this binding mesh and instigator for the x-blade and it was infuriating.

Why should he have to sit here and be stuck with all this mess swirling and gripping him with such distress. Clawing and biting at his mind and dragging him down, he shouldn’t even exist and this was all Ventus’ fault.

Snarling he made his way back to his bedroom not stopping when he saw his master and not stopping to eat. Instead barricading himself away in the dim light of his room and trying to calm himself though nothing seemed to be working.

Outside his door Xehanort stopped pausing as he felt the seething rage radiating through the wooden panel and into the hall. Vanitas was becoming dangerous and unstable. It was something he had feared would happen but he had hoped to be able to control in the boy. Being the creature he was it was bound to happen one day but he had hoped and was still hoping that they would be able to complete their mission before Vanitas lost all his sense and gave in completely to the darkness. If he did, it could jeopardize their entire mission.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's worse when the monster is you

Vanitas didn’t sleep that night, he couldn’t, every single fiber of his being was aching and screaming making rest nigh on impossible. His Master hadn’t come to check on him, hadn’t come to see if his mission was successful or if he was okay, or even to berate him for doing something foolish. He felt like he was radically spiraling down further and further until there was no where left to go and everything got tossed to the wind. It was clawing at his throat tearing from the inside out behind his ribs, all at once too much and too hard and so dark and terrible that he just couldn’t contain it anymore.

-

Xehanort heard the scream from the other side of the Estate and it made him bolt from his desk where he had been reading, half dozing, to the teens room. He had never heard his apprentice make such a noise in his life, not in training, not when injured, not even when he threw his temper tantrums. He swore the temperature in the building had dropped and the fervent darkness was pooling around his feet. There were unversed in the hall milling about, striking to attack when he got too near them but they were easily cut down.

There were a thousand thoughts running through his head but the foremost was that Vanitas had deconstructed, that the powers that kept him bound and in a physical form had just stopped and he was gone and so was his entire plan along with him. When he got to the door and shouldered it open, keyblade gripped tightly ready to face whatever might be inside the room he was not prepared. 

Not prepared to find his apprentice hunched over his desk in what looked like pain, darkness clouding from his body and form seeming to flicker around the edges. This thing in front of him, this monstrosity that was Vanitas, that was the bare bones of the thing he had pulled from Ventus grown stronger with time and energy. This was what was in front of him, some kind of abomination that deep in the pit of his stomach Xehanort knew he should have never released. This thing here in the guise of a boy was uncontrollable, it was dangerous and reckless, but he needed it.

“Vanitas.” Xehanort called and he didn’t know why he was yelling but the room seemed to swallow his words as though he were in a wind storm, whisking them away before his ears had time to catch them.

Bright golden eyes flicked up at him and the teen turned, wracked and disheveled, black ooze leaking from his eyes like tears and over his lips. It made Xehanort want to be sick to see his apprentice in such a state, sure his care for Vanitas was bare and more work related than anything but he was still a person, he still needed to be taken care of. He couldn’t expect a tool to work if it got broken. 

“Vanitas, it’s okay.” Xehanort hushed dismissing his keyblade and holding out his hands in an act of calm. Hoping to get that burning, violent stare off of him and to stop this entire thing before it really lost traction.

Swallowing thickly he took a few steps forward and it was like walking through molasses to get to the teen. The oppressive force of pure unbridled darkness pressing against him trying to stop him from getting too close to him. If felt like a sick nightmare but Xehanort made it within arms reach his words completely lost in the void around them along with his sight. Everything dark except for the golden orbs hanging like candles in a storm. 

Reaching out he felt his hand hit solid flesh and it was as though he had pressed the off switch on Vanitas. The atmosphere dissolving and the boy in front of him wavering on his feet black still dripping down his cheeks and chin as Xehanort grabbed onto his with both hands holding him steady.

“M-master…what’s wrong with me.” Vanitas wailed and Xehanort pulled him over to his bed setting the teen down so he wouldn’t fall as he sat beside him pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his cheeks clean.

“I don’t know Vanitas. I really don’t.” He wasn’t going to lie to him, there was no point and Xehanort couldn’t even think of a possible lie that wouldn’t scare him away from their mission. 

“I’m falling apart.” Vanitas whispered fresh clear tears starting to fall tracking little clean paths through the smears of darkness.

“Hush, you are not. You may just be going through some sort of a shift, you have been awful moody lately.” Perhaps it wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation but if it would get him to stop crying and get himself together it was worth it.

Vanitas frowned eyes brows knitting together for a moment as he sniffed scrubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“I have not.” He huffed glaring up at his Master through his lashes though his breathing was starting to settle and even with small sobs still shaking his frame he at least seemed to be trying to reign himself in again. 

“You have and you know it. You need to relax Vanitas or you’re going to drive yourself absolutely mad.” Xehanort shrugged standing up and holding a hand out to the teen, “Come on, you need to come to the medical ward. I want to make sure my apprentice is actually alright.”

Vanitas glowered for a moment before he let Xehanort haul him to his feet and the pair walked to the medical ward of the building. It would be routine, check this, check that, make sure he wasn’t falling apart at the seams. Vanitas hated it and he thought it was awful but partially he was glad that he would have some confirmation that he wasn’t actually going to melt into a puddle of sludge.

He wasn’t quite so glad when he was sitting on the cold table with Xehanort’s hands all over him poking and prodding at half healed wounds from training and at old scars and sensitive places that he would just rather not be touched. Especially not when he could feel the heat of his hands through the gloves against his chilled skin. It was entirely unwelcome but finally the silence was broken and Xehanort stepped back.

“Well, you seem to be entirely in good health. You aren’t leaking any more of that black ooze from anywhere. You’re healing where you should be. It was just a random thing Vanitas you don’t need to worry. It probably won’t happen again.” Though in truth Xehanort had no idea what was going on with the teen other than once he had calmed back down he seemed relatively back to his normal self. Exhausted of course but normal none the less. 

“Why don’t you go and lay down and get some rest, you look like you’re about to pass out on the floor and I don’t want to have to carry you to your room.” Xehanort mused peeling off the examining gloves and throwing them in the trash while Vanitas put his clothes back on. Regarding him with a suspicious eye.

“Really, you think this was just a one time thing? That it’s never going to happen again?” He asked already heading for the door. The call of his bed and a warm blanket far too hard to resist. 

“Positive. You were sick not that long ago, maybe it was just the big leaving your system.” Xehanort was watching him like a hawk to see his reaction and felt the relief wash over him as Vanitas shrugged turning on his heal and leaving without another word.

He didn’t know what was going on with his apprentice but he felt like time was running out before he lost his control on the teen and the thought made his stomach feel like lead. That wasn’t an option, failure in his mission was not an option and he needed Vanitas to understand that. For the time being though he was going to let the child rest and recuperate, after all he had been having a rough couple of days and maybe some time off would help rein him in once again.

-

Back in his bed tucked under layers of blankets and curled up in a little ball Vanitas sighed feeling sleep already clouding his mind as exhaustion took over. The awful ball that had been burning a hole in his chest felt like it was missing, like he was empty for now and it was such a relief not to feel like he was going to drown that he wanted to savour every possible second of it. He didn’t know what was happening, he didn’t know why it was happening, but he knew being able to just let it all out had been what he had needed. Just to scream and let loose and spill everything everywhere and not have to worry about the consequences.

Sure it had been horrifying and worrisome and oozing liquid darkness hadn’t been the most pleasant. Neither had feeling the unversed being cut down but he didn’t care as long as that nasty feeling was gone. What a pleasant turn of events.

He wasn’t conscious for much longer before sleep took hold dragging him down in to a dreamless sleep. Just letting him recover from the days before and prepare for the days ahead.

-

Vanitas didn’t know how long he had been sleeping for but when he woke up his muscles were stiff from staying still for so long and he groaned as he stretched rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was still so tired but it wasn’t the kind of tired sleep could fix and even he knew that. 

Slipping out of bed he went about getting himself ready, washing the scent of sleep from himself and getting dressed before seeking out his Master in his study knocking before he let himself in and finding Xehanort bent over a book thumbing through the paged.

“Good morning, Vanitas, I wasn’t sure you were ever going to wake up.” Xehanort chided looking over at his apprentice and though he still looked dead on his feet at least he didn’t look like he was falling apart. 

“I didn’t want too, but here I am.” He yawned not bothering to ask him about whatever he was reading, he didn’t care enough.

“Hm…well I thought today you could check on Ventus. You were a sleep for almost three days I don’t possibly know how you could still be tired. I thought you might be dead.” The older man mused looking up at him to see the shock registering on his face. 

“I…my apologies, Master.” Vanitas didn’t know what to say he didn’t feel like he’d been asleep for that long but he didn’t doubt his Masters words.

“Tsch, don’t worry about it just do as your told and check on the boy. Do not harm him just test him out let’s see how he’s making out on his own.” Xehanort instructed pinning the teen with a look or no nonsense and Vanitas nodded. 

“Got it, don’t hurt him.” As though he would ever actually hurt Ventus, it was his idea to send him out in the first place so he wouldn’t get hurt. But his Master didn’t need to know that.

Xehanort made a noise of approval swishing his hand to dismiss him and Vanitas made his way to the kitchen to grab some food before he started on his journey. He wasn’t really hungry but energy was necessary and he didn’t feel like having to stop somewhere and eat. That was just a waste of time and energy that he didn’t have, besides he didn’t really want to have to interfere with Ventus and his quest he didn’t know whether the other even wanted to see him or would be happy to see him or what. He just didn’t know.

Shaking his head he stepped into the courtyard and through his channel surprise lighting through his system as he almost collided with Ventus on his glider. What were the chances of that? Well it was convenient and he wasn’t going to pass it up even through something lit under his ribs and unrest fell over him as he left the channel into the badlands. 

Something was wrong, desperately wrong and he was so angry. He knew Ventus was going to follow him here but he was wishing he wouldn’t wishing he would just stay away because he didn’t want to have to see him and feel whatever this was crushing him from the inside out. He hated feeling like a monster and this was all Ventus’ fault. He was fine before he saw him and now this.

Vanitas watched as Ventus dropped from his glider looking around before he caught the teen clad in black and spun on his heel.

“Hey! Vanitas…what were you talking about, what do you mean about Terra being a different person. I’ve been searching everywh-”

“Exactly what I said, you idiot.” Vanitas bit out and Ven took a step back surprised by the harsh tone and venom in who he thought was his friends, voice.

“What? Vani what are you talking about?” Ven asked feeling his insides turn to ice.

“Do not call me that! I am not your pet.” He didn’t understand but the words were coming and he was furious.

Ventus was half glad he couldn’t see Vanitas’ face through the mask, he didn’t want to see what expression he was wearing when he was mad like this, mad at him for some reason.

“And I meant what I said, the Terra you know will be gone forever. You’re never getting him back and you know it. You’re and idiot Ventus, all you do is run around chasing after people, chasing after dreams. You never stand up for yourself all you do is just sit around being pathetic.” Vanitas growled watching as Ven’s expression turned from hurt to anger and he summoned his keyblade.

“Vanitas, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. But don’t you dare talk about me or my friends like that. You have no right.” Ventus wavered his voice threatening to crack. 

At the sight of the keyblade in Ventus’ hand something inside Vanitas snapped, his restraint gone as he called his own blade. There was a single thought in his head, one he never thought he would apply to Ventus, one he never wanted to even bring near Ventus. 

Kill.

This was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and nice comments, I'm sorry I'm making everyone wait so long but I wasn't sure what to do with this chapter and I've been super busy with school (finals are the next two weeks) mostly I'm just tired but I had time and got a nice comment today so I did the thing. I hope you all like it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all seemed so clear in that moment.

Ven couldn’t even pretend to rationalize what was going on at the moment, all he knew was that his so called friend was attacking him without mercy. There were no pulled punches or off handed hits, every single time Vanitas came at him it was with bloody intent to harm and Ventus was afraid. He didn’t know what was happening or what had changed to make Vanitas hate him enough to want to kill him but he must have done something. 

Was it going after Terra? Was that it? Had that really been enough to make the other boy so furious that it put his life on the line? Ventus really didn’t believe that could be it there must be something wrong with Vanitas. Perhaps a spell or a curse that would make him lash out in such a way. He just needed to get the other subdued and then maybe he could talk some sense into him or at least not have to be afraid of dying.

Not that he thought Vanitas would actually try and kill him, for all the mean and vicious things he was sure the other was capable he didn’t really think cold blooded murder was one of them.

“Vanitas please!” Ven shouted blocked a strong slash from the other boy, hard enough to drop Ventus down to his knees before Vanitas jumped back brandishing his weapon.

“You’re a fool Ventus!” He shouted coming at him again and knocking Ven flying to the side.

He swore he heard ribs cracking as his body hit the ground trying to draw breath but it wouldn’t reach his lungs. Vanitas was strong, much stronger than Ven had given him any credit for and he was good at what he was doing, good at lashing out and fighting. It was slowly occurring to Ventus through pain addled thoughts that perhaps this was all Vanitas knew how to do and that thought terrified him almost as much as the boy stalking back towards him. 

It was almost as though he could feel the intent radiating off of Vanitas and it felt like fire latching onto every fibre of his being threatening to burn him to a crisp if he didn’t get out of the way and move. Struggling to his feet keyblade clutched tightly in hand Ven wavered slightly catching Vanitas with the fiercest glare he could possibly muster under the circumstances. 

“Pathetic.” Vanitas hissed winding up for an attack that Ven knew he couldn’t possibly dodge even if he tried, and he did but it caught him square in the ribs again and he was certain he heard them break that time.

Everything was foggy and he couldn’t breathe black spots dancing in his vision as he fought to stay awake fearful of what would happen should he fall unconscious. He may never wake up again, not with the way Vanitas was acting and the terrifying aura permeating the air around them. This was light a nightmare turned reality and he wished he could wake up and be back in his bed in the Manor for away from Vanitas and from the Badlands and from all of this mess.

He could hear Vanitas stop a good few feet away, the gravel shifting under his feet and crunching to a halt. Praying that he would just stay where he was or even better leave so that Ven could pull himself back together and get some much needed medical attention.

“Are you really just going to lay there on your belly like a dog, Ventus? I expected more of a fight from you. How disappointing.” Vanitas growled.

Really, he had, after all the training Ventus had done and being out on his own fighting the unversed and travelling around searching for his friend, Vanitas had honestly expected that he would put up more of a fight. Rage bubbled in the pit of his stomach to see the other just laying there giving up so easily. His Master thought this useless piece of shit was going to be of any aid to their plans?

How absolutely tragic he hated this, hated this more than he hated having to live and breathe everyday when he had never asked to be created. Never asked to have this burden placed on his shoulders and he had never wanted to be a tool to such a sadistic and violent man. It just wasn't fair. 

Vanitas froze keyblade hanging in the air from where he was about to strike, looking at Ventus laying there on the ground his body barely moving save for the laboured rise and fall of his chest and the way his fingers gripped into the ground trying to get himself back together but barely clinging to the edge of consciousness. He was just lying there prone, exposed like some sort of livestock waiting to be slaughtered. It disgusts Vanitas that he could possibly be born from such a thing as this.

The idea caught deep inside him flickering like a burning more before it engulfed his soul eyes bright behind the mask as a cackle left his lips. How could have he not thought of this before, how could have he let this burning rage rip through his insides making him want to destroy the boy before him but knowing he couldn't, knowing he shouldn't, knowing that he mustn't because why? Because his Master told him he wasn't to hurt Ventus.

Well he had already royally fucked that order up what was one more sin added to the platter?

“You know.” Vanitas drawled voice riddled with something so merciless and cold that it practically brought Ven’s heart to a stop. 

He was certain this was it, this was the end and it was going to come at the hands of someone he had thought of as a friend. There was nothing he could do to stop it, he could barely keep drawing a breath the life clinging inside him begging him to keep going and to keep fighting so weak and hurt. He just, couldn't. Couldn't even lift his head or make a peep. 

“It would be going directly against my Master's orders but I've had my fun with you. We don't need someone so useless and so I think your job here is done.” Vanitas growled setting his feet as he summoned his last attack.

The anger boiling even fiercer in his belly as Ventus didn't even try and fight back, he was too weak and too pathetic to even try and save his own skin. They didn't need him, if Ventus died he would finally be free, VanItas would be a useless tool without his other half and Xehanort would have to let him go. That or he would kill him and either way Vanitas wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. 

The air around him crackled and sparked with the brewing sphere of blue before he let it go, launching the thing towards the boy's body and watching as it exploded leaving nothing but smoking ground behind. The relief he felt was instantaneous his chest spilling with something he couldn't describe but for half a moment he felt nothing and it was beautiful. 

Until he heard that stupid squeaky voice and he saw Ventus standing. Along with some stupid, what the hell even was that? A mouse? A mouse that could talk what the actual fuck. 

Snarling he threw himself back into battle motions haphazard and ill timed and that stupid creature that had saved Ventus fought beside the blonde. Why couldn't he just stay dead? Why couldn't Vanitas just have this one thing, this one life, his own. He didn't want to be living in this pathetic humans shadow anymore he just wanted to be free from it all.

An overstretched attack left him open and before he knew it he was on the ground head spinning and ears ringing. Laying there with the blue sky open above him and the two warriors panting beside each other. What had he done. What a mess. He needed to get out of here. 

Throwing himself up of the ground he stumbled back a few steps watching the mouse and boy ready themselves for another attack though none came. Vanitas had one concern on his mind now and that was getting the hell out of the before he caused anymore damage. 

“Hmph...you win.” Vanitas called stepping backwards as he opened a portal behind himself feeling the ice of the gate on his back. 

“Consider yourself on probation Ventus, perhaps you're not as useless as I thought.” 

And with that he was gone reappearing back on his little hill far away from Ventus or Xehanort or anyone else for that matter. What had he done? What was he doing? He was really going to kill him. If that mouse thing hadn't been there to save Ventus he would be dead and at Vanitas’ own two hands. Or really the end of his blade but still. 

Clutching a hand to his chest he pulled his mask off with the other one, why was he feeling like this? Why did this thing have to be eating him up from the inside out burning his so completely? All he wanted was to be alone and to be free of all the things that were haunting him but even he knew that killing Ventus wasn't the answer to his problems. 

Just in that moment with the boy lying there it had seemed so clear, all of it had seemed so perfect and precise and it had made so much sense to just end his own suffering by killing Ventus. He could still do it, 

No.

Vanitas couldn't, he wouldn't, that wasn't right and Ventus was his friend...or at the very least had been his friend. He wouldn't want to talk to him after this Vanitas was sure if it and he didn't blame him in the least. He knew he had committed a sin far deeper and darker than anything he had ever done before, this was different that sleeping with Terra or helping plot the failure of the Exam, this was worse. So, so much worse.

Hugging his knees to his chest Vanitas choked back a sob burying his face in his knees and trying to stop the fat tears rolling down his cheeks knowing now that they started he wouldn't be able to stop them. 

He had just destroyed the one fibre he had been clinging to in hope and he had done it of his own free will. What was wrong with him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short! I was having some trouble fitting in what I wanted to fit in but I think I nailed it at least a little.  
> Thank you for the awesome support I've been receiving for this fic even though the updates are slow and I've been distracted with other short one shots.   
> I promise though, I will finish this fic, it's been in the planning for too long not to!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas tries to be rational about things, it may or may not be a good idea in the end

Vanitas sat there for a long time, long past when the sun turned the sky Crimson before plunging beneath the horizon to let the world be cast in shadows. The moon barely a sliver in the sky letting the stars and galaxies shine full force against the landscape. He couldn't bring himself to move, knees still hugged against his chest but eyes blank and unseeing as he stared out across the forest below him. Thousands of leaves capturing the starlight seeming to glitter like an ocean. Any other time he would have considered it the perfect night, a beautiful night, something he would like to be able to share. But tonight it only made the pit inside him feel colder and darker than he could even imagine. 

For a while he had run the fight over and over in his mind, trying to pin pin t exactly what had made him turn so violent against the other but he couldn't find it. Couldn't find the moment everything had stopped making sense and had clouded over. All he could focus on was how it had felt when he had thought Ventus was dead, that relief that had just vaporized inside him and how wonderful it had been not to feel dragged down. Even if it had been short lived. 

Killing Ven wasn't the answer to his problems though, he knew that, clipping rosebuds off the bush didn't stop the thorns. You had to dig up the roots to kill that plant. Go right to the source of the problem and eliminate it…

But that would mean killing Xehanort and he knew he couldn't do that either, as much as he hated that man with every fibre of his being he was his Master and he couldn't betray him like that. He had raised him and taught him everything Vanitas knew. If Xehanort were to die what would he even do? Where would he go? He would be a purposeless being. Perhaps he would just cease to even exist.

No...there would be no more killing, he wouldn't allow it. Wouldn't let himself fall into that trap again, he wasn't a monster, wouldn't become one. Sure he knew he was far from ever being something good, something made of light that could help with world or even repair the damage that had been done with Ven. But that didn't mean he had to make it worse, and trying to do things on his own just destroyed everything. 

“Free will is a trap…” He murmured words swept away on the wind as though they were never even spoken. 

It was time to abandon it, he had spent too long amusing himself with the idea that he knew what was best and letting these emotions get in the way of his Masters orders. If he had just listened. Just listened every time Ventus would have never been in the danger he was just in. His life would have never been risked the way it was. That was solely on Vanitas and he knew it was his burden to bare from now on. He would not speak of it to anyone. 

This was his new design, become what he was supposed to be...perhaps it would fill the void dragging away inside of him. 

-

Xehanort was still awake when his apprentice returned in the early hours just before sunrise. He had been expecting him back much earlier but from the way he walked Xehanort knew something was off about him. 

As the boy disappeared inside the Estate he waited pondering over the lack of what he thought should be there. Every time Vanitas had returned before he had either been fuming or brooding but this time there was no aura about him, no ill will, nothing. It was like looking at a closed container and not being able to tell what was inside. He had never seen this before, Vanitas always wore his emotions on his sleeves like a child, easy to read and easy to assess and deal with. 

A knock on the door caught him by surprise, Vanitas reported back to him, he always had to hunt the boy down to find out how his missions went. 

“Master?” He heard him call, shaking his head out of the confusion that was clouding it. 

“Yes, come in Vanitas.” Xehanort answered turning his attention to the door as it clicked open and the dark haired boy slipped inside shutting the door behind him and standing there. Shoulders set like a mannequin and expression unreadable. 

“Ventus is not ready, he is still weak, I would recommend at least a few more weeks on his own before we attempt anything.” Vanitas told him voice just as unreadable as his face. 

“If that's what you believe I will take your word for it.” He shrugged mind swirling now with a thousand different thoughts and worries about his apprentice. Something must have happened while he was out, something to illicit such a change in him. 

Xehanort turned back to the book on his desk expecting Vanitas to leave but out of the corner of his eye he could still see the dark silhouette standing there. Waiting for something maybe?

“Is there anything else, Vanitas?” Xehanort asked him looking over at the teen curiously.

“No, Master.” Came the flat reply.

“Then you may leave.” 

“Yes, Master.” And with that Vanitas left the door clicking shut behind him and leaving the older man confused and concerned. 

Vanitas waiting to be dismissed? Not glaring or snapping at him, no darting looks or trying to inch his way closer to the door? There was definitely something amiss with him, perhaps he had been cursed while he was out. Run into something stronger than himself and gotten into trouble he couldn't handle, even though he didn't look at all damaged. 

Groaning Xehanort placed his head in his hands, perhaps he would go and have a talk with his apprentice later, ask him if he had been injured or if he needed a curse reversed. What a strange boy he was. For now though he needed to finish reading these documents and recording them, then he could deal with Vanitas.

-

When Xehanort finally made his way towards Vantias’ living quarters it was well into the afternoon. He could smell cooking food from the kitchen and followed the sound of clattering cutlery until he saw his apprentice standing over a pot in the kitchen. The remnants of different vegetables piled up beside the cutting board and what looked like celery being added to the pot. 

Before he could even speak Vantias looked up, golden eyes half open and sullen as he turned back to what he was doing stirring the freshly added ingredients in.

“Can I help you, Master? Or perhaps you came for supper. It's not ready yet.” Vanitas told him voice no longer flat but lacking the heat it usually held. 

“I came to check on you,” May as well cut straight to the point, “You're acting off, did someone curse you?”

Vanitas quirked a brow, the most of a reaction he had managed to get out of him yet before he shook his head, “No, I'm fine, just had some time to think.”

Well that was certainly surprising, so what, had he just decided to stop being an aggravating brat for the time being?

“Would you mind elaborating?” Xehanort promoted when it was clear that Vanitas had no intention to continue his story.

Sighing the boy gave the pot one last stir before closing the lid and turning his attention fully to his Master, spoon abandoned in the little holder next to the pot.

“Master, I've been wrong acting of my own free will, thinking I knew better than the one that taught me and raised me. Acting on my own has brought nothing but strife and upset and utter catastrophe because I was more inclined to follow my own sense of will than listen to your orders.” Vanitas explained expression turning unreadable once again, “I am correcting this behaviour.”

Xehanort was stunned to silence for a moment as Vanitas simply stared and waited for him to say something. His apprentice, of his own volition had decided to start following orders completely and without question. Sure Xehanort didn't know exactly what had caused this but he didn't exactly care now. Vanitas was subdued and he was going to listen and that was the best news he could have ever hoped to hear. 

“I'm glad you've come to this conclusion, Vanitas. I knew my apprentice would make me proud one day.” Xehanort smiled and the smallest amount of tension dropped from Vanitas’ shoulders. 

“Thank you, Master.” He whispered hesitating for a moment more before he turned back to the pot and checking on the soup inside, “The food will not be ready for a while, if you wished to have some. Probably an hour or so.” 

Xehanort nodded turning on his heel, relief settling in his bones that Vanitas had ceased to be a issue for now. Even if he didn’t know how it had come about he was grateful at the very least. One less thing for him to worry about.

“I’ll return in an hour than, keep up the good work, my boy.” Xehanort called over his shoulder feeling that golden gaze on his back as he left the kitchen to return to his study.

Vanitas was stock still for a long moment after his Master disappeared from his sight before his eyes narrowed to slits and he growled. Discontent bubbling up under his ribs once again as he tried to repeat to himself that this was proper and this was right and he was supposed to act like this. Just look how happy Xehanort had been, it was going to make his own life so much easier he just had to keep himself in check. That was all.

“Pathetic.” He hissed placing the lid back on the pot and turning the heat down to a simmer, feeling his cheeks damped and he frowned. Hand raising to brush against the tracks from his eyes and his breath catching in his throat as his fingers came away smeared with darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you to everyone who is reading this fic. I'm going to try very hard to get this complete within the next few months as I have other things in the works that I can't wait to be able to show everyone. But first things first, gotta finish this.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xehanort does bad things and many bad things happen. This chapter should have been called 'Vanitas gets fucked up a lot'

Weeks had passed since Vanitas’ breakdown with Ventus and he had been hard pressed to leave the Estate since then. Instead spending most of his time in the training hard or off skulking about somewhere else out of Xehanorts line of sight, which Xehanort didn’t mind at all. Usually he would be miffed that his apprentice was hiding from him but as it had been set of late when he called Vanitas came and he did what he asked and that was good enough for Xehanort. Besides that he was busy and having to deal with Vanitas’ apathy was starting to grate on his nerves even if it was a turn in the right direction from being a hard headed little brat.

So far there hadn’t been any more complete breakdowns, no more uncontrollable darkness spilling from the edges of the younger man even if he had found Vanitas with black streaked down his cheeks or running from the edges of his mouth and nose after training. It didn’t seem to bother him at all more it was just unsightly and a little worrisome that Xehanort hadn’t been able to find a cause for it, it just kind of happened.

He had sent Vanitas on a few missions to stir the waters and get everything in place, he had fought with Aqua on one occasion and taunted Ventus on another, the time for their plans to come to fruition growing nearer with every passing day. Xehanort knew Vanitas could feel it in the way he threw himself into his training fights with a ferocity that was bordering on frightening and Xehanort could feel it itching under his skin. Years worth of planning and sacrifice all leading up to this one final moment.

From outside his study the sound of bare feet hitting the tiles grew louder and Xehanort sighed, this had become a habit of Vanitas’ as of late, he would set an unversed off running and he would chase the damn thing until he either caught it or ran out of energy and then he would go to sleep. Which told Xehanort it must be late evening if Vanitas was chasing his things. Standing up from his desk and stretching out feeling his back crack and his muscles strain from sitting for too long Xehanort made his way into the hall as the unversed zipped past his feet followed closely by his apprentice.

“Vanitas!” He called and the boy skidded to a halt, the unversed freezing as well before dematerializing and vanishing into thin air.

“Yes Master?” Vanitas panted cheeks flushed from running and his hair in disarray, he was completely out of his usual clothing replaced instead with a t-shirt and track pants for what reason Xehanort had no idea. Maybe he was more comfortable this way or maybe he was already in his pajamas. That would explain the bare feet.

Shaking his head from the distracted thoughts Xehanort met the fiery eyes of his apprentice, brighter than he had seen them in weeks not covered by the thick veil of compliance he had become so used to seeing. Something about that made heat rush through his veins even still as Vanitas stared at him brow knitting together in confusion.

“Master? Are you alright?” Vanitas asked shifting on his feet to move himself, body language turning defensive as though he were worried he might be attacked.

“I’m fine Vanitas.” Xehanort muttered trying to push away the intrusive thoughts of his apprentice that were clouding through his mind, “I was coming to tell you that tomorrow is the day we act. Ventus will be coming to the keyblade graveyard and we will meet him there and the X-Blade will be formed.”

Excitement lit up Vanitas’ features like the the fourth of July and Xehanort swore if he didn’t have better control of himself he would have jumped from joy. He knew this was the moment Vanitas had been waiting for, it was what they all had been waiting for ever since he had split Vanitas from Ventus he had been working to get them to forge the X-Blade and now, after all these years the time had finally come.

“Master! That is wonderful.” Vanitas grinned the aura of darkness pooling around his feet and Xehanort was grateful he had picked now to launch his attack, unsure how much longer Vanitas was going to be containable like this.

All the same the excitement rushing off of him was contagious and Xehanort realized all at once that this was the last night he would have Vanitas in his Estate, once the X-Blade was formed who knew what the exact result would be for both Ventus and Vanitas. They could deconstruct, or they could fuse, he just didn’t know but he was certain that once it happened Vanitas wouldn’t be here anymore. 

Vanitas flinched as hands grabbed the front of his shirt shoving him up against the cold stone wall and lips crashed against his. Ice shooting up his spine in confusion as he felt his Master’s hands run down the front of him, rucking up under his shirt. He could feel his breath catching in his throat and tremors running through him as he tried to make sense of what was going on. Sure he knew now what Xehanort’s intentions were but why? He couldn’t make sense of them at all, of why now of all times Xehanort would choose to do such a thing. He chalked it up to the old man not having an outlet for his excitement over his plans coming to fruition. 

There were no words exchanged between them as Xehanort tugged the teen back into his study almost surprised that there was no resistance from him. Instead Vanitas slipped along behind him like shadow, golden eyes boring holes into his back with every step they took. Vanitas seemed unsure about what was happening when they came to a stop, eyes darting between the door and Xehanort and the ground, not sure if he was supposed to get on his knees or wait for instruction so instead he stood there and stared as Xehanort unclasped his pants letting them drop to the ground. 

Xehanort could feel it burning in his blood, the desire so deep and dark, to possess and consume whatever it was Vanitas had flowing through him. To be in absolute control of the beast. He wanted to do this, to claim him, to make sure Vanitas understood absolutely that he belonged to Xehanort and that he belonged to this cause and nothing else.

Pushing him a little further back Vanitas’ thighs bumped against the desk and in a whirlwind of movement he found himself pinned against it, face against the hardwood and arms wrenched behind his back. Unable to stop the pitiful little squeak of pain from falling past his lips.

“Tomorrow you forge the X-Blade, but tonight Vanitas you are mine.” Xehanort growled voice holding so much sinister intent that it shot panic through Vanitas’ blood and he squirmed against Xehanort’s hold, feeling his heart racing and his breath coming faster than it should.

“Master? I do not think...I don’t think this is proper.” Vanitas rushed out as his track pants were tugged down.

“You don’t have to think, Vanitas, you just need to stay still.” Xehanort snapped briefly annoyed that his apprentice would think to question him as he looked around for something to use as lubricant. Unfortunately this was a study and such things were scarce to be found.

Vanitas whined underneath him as he felt Xehanort grind up against him, bare flesh pressing against his own and the panic rising in his throat at being so trapped and helpless spilled forth.

“Master, stop.” He wasn’t sure how this encounter had turned sour so fast, not sure when he had done something to annoy his Master into getting him in this position. He didn’t know what he had done but he knew this wasn’t going to end well and he wanted to be let go right this instant. 

“I’ve always wondered what fucking your tight little ass would be like, I’m honestly a little disappointed Terra got there before me.” Xehanort mused ignoring Vanitas’ plea as he guided to head of his cock to his entrance with one free hand, the other still pinning Vanitas to the desk.

“Stop! This isn’t right.” Vanitas yelped trying to struggle out from under him but he was at a disadvantage and the dry pressure pressing inside of him did nothing to help the panic swelling through his system.

“No, but you need to relax or you’re going to hurt yourself.” He told him a low groan in his throat as the head of his cock passed into him and Vanitas whined.

Thoughts going out the window as Vanitas realized there was no real escape from this, he couldn’t free himself and his Master wasn’t going to stop no matter how much he begged. He just needed to get himself through this and tomorrow would be better, it had to be. Dropping his head to the desk he took a deep breath trying to breath through the pain of the intrusion inside him and distance himself from it all. Trying to put his thoughts a million miles away though it didn’t seem to help much as every sharp thrust and the fingers digging into his wrists and hips brought him straight back to earth. The edge of the desk burning into his hips as he was pressed into it and he knew he was going to be bruised from this.

He felt like the entire ordeal lasted a lifetime before Xehanort pulled out of him and Vanitas was freed to pull himself back together. Black ooze running down his cheeks and leaving a pool on the desk where he had been laying. He couldn’t describe the feeling inside himself as he skulked away from the study pain running through him and dark bruises forming in evidence, he could feel the stick between his legs from his Master’s remnants. Even after he showered and put on fresh clothes the cloying feeling burning up inside of him didn’t ease as he slowly started to put a finger on what he was feeling.

Betrayal.

Scalding and hot running up his spine at what his Master had done. Sure he had done bad things before, he had made him do things he didn’t want to, but they had all served some sort of purpose or at least he had thought they did. But this, this was just senseless, this happened because his Master wanted it to happen, he had wanted to hurt him and he had wanted to do it in such a way that he wouldn’t forget it.

Sleep wouldn’t come to him, not when he could still feel the results of what had happened every time he moved and he could hear the sounds of it when he shut his eyes in the silence. His entire world seemed to be crashing in on itself and he couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t like it was his first time having someone inside him, it was more the fact that he couldn’t get away from it, he had no choice in this. He had been helpless. At least with Terra if he had wanted to run, he could have ran, Terra wouldn’t have stopped him, Terra wasn’t a bad person.

He didn’t want to be a part of this anymore.

Morning came though and the promised day was upon him even if he wasn’t ready to receive it. His body was aching and he was exhausted even as he pulled his suit and boots on and clicked his helmet into place. Vanitas couldn’t bring himself to even eat just wanting this ordeal to pass so he could curl up somewhere and just lay for as long as he needed to to get these feelings out of himself. Maybe he could lay until the grass covered him over and he became the earth.

Sighing he met his Master in the courtyard and together they traveled to the graveyard, he didn’t speak a word but he could feel his Master’s eyes on him, hungry, burning, different than he had been before last night. It sent tremors of terror through him and the instinct to flee as far as he possibly could was hard to resist. 

Once they arrived in the graveyard his Master began to reveal the plan talking of how he would take Terra’s body to rejuvenate his own while Vanitas forged the X-Blade with Ventus, which he still had no idea how to do.

“Master, you have not told me how I’m supposed to do this, what is the procedure for forming the weapon. I need to know.” He hated how pinched his voice sounded, he was afraid.

“It’s simple Vanitas but it needs your undying commitment to the cause.” Xehanort told him hands clasped behind his back as though he was about to lecture.

“You know I am.”

“I know you are, my boy, then listen up. You need to weaken each other to the point of no return only then will you be able to forge the X-Blade.” Xehanort explained and for a moment it didn’t quite sink in.

“You want us to kill each other?” His voice was raw with disbelief. 

“In not so many words, yes.”

Vanitas wasn’t sure what if it was the nonchalant way Xehanort said it or the events that had lead up to being here but the betrayal that had been burning flared and Vanitas growled taking a step back and summoning his keyblade.

“No! I’m sick of you and your stupid games. I’ve done everything you’ve asked, fought every fight you wanted me to. I did things I would have never done because you wanted me to and still you treat me like some tool. Now you want me to die for you? You want me to kill Ventus too? I don’t think so.” He was furious and he was done with all of this and done with the betrayal and the deceit and all these awful backwards plans that seemed just plain awful.

“Are you saying you won’t do it? Won’t do what you were made to do? You have one purpose in life Vanitas and that is to forge the X-Blade with Ventus.” Xehanort’s temper was flaring as his plan was starting to fall apart all because his apprentice had suddenly had a change of heart.

“Than let me be purposeless.” It was the last thing Vanitas managed to say before Xehanort’s keyblade buried itself in his stomach faster than he could even react. 

“You already are.” Xehanort hissed as Vanitas staggered back managing to get his footing before the charging at his Master.

It wasn’t a fair fight, not by a long shot and without having to worry about killing him Xehanort didn’t bother holding back. It was a shame, Vanitas was a good fighter, putting up ample struggle against the onslaught of attacks that fell on him managing to hold out for longer than Xehanort had expected before he slipped up and that was it for the teen. One mistake of overextending an attack and there was no turning back. 

He was clinging to a strand of life when Xehanort finally let up stepping back from the crumpled and beaten teen, his mask shattered and he didn’t even look like he was breathing. Xehanort was going to kill him, going to release him from this world but before he raised his blade to deliver the final blow he decided it would be much, much crueler to make him live out the rest of his life broken and alone. The thought of it sent sick satisfaction down his spine, as much as he would love to kill him, the torment would be so much better. 

Still though he needed to remaster his plan, figure out how to make it work if he could still use Vanitas or if he was infact useless. Giving the boy a final hearty kick he opened the channel and stepped away, his plans would have to wait for another day.

Vanitas wasn’t sure how long he lay there for, time just didn’t seem to want to work for him in the least. All he knew was he had been hurting but his body had long ago turned numb and cold and even drawing a breath took more effort than it was worth. He was barely clinging to the edge of consciousness afraid that if he slipped under that he would never wake back up again. He couldn’t remember being this afraid of the darkness in a long time but he was now.

Ventus had been rushing to the graveyard with Aqua hot on his heels ready to stop whatever tremendously terrible event that was going to happen but when they got there it was silent. On another plateau Aqua spotted Terra apparently there for the same reason they were and in an instant she was racing over to him and Ven was left looking out over the valley seeing if he could spot movement of any kind that would indicate Vanitas was coming. 

He was slightly afraid after their last bad encounter and he hurt and upset that his friend had attacked him and since then had avoided him like the plague except to taunt and hurt his friends. Something had soured Vanitas and he didn’t know what it was but he was afraid to have to face him today, he didn’t want to fight someone who despite everything, he believed could still be good and he still had feelings for.

There was a lump far out in the valley, so small he barely could see it but it didn’t look like it should be there. As fast as his glider could take him he zipped towards it dropping off and landing, breath catching in his throat as he saw it wasn’t just a lump of nothing it was Vanitas and he didn’t look alive.

The sight of him was enough to make Ventus want to be sick, someone had tried to kill him, shattered his mask and cut him up bad enough that the blood had stained the dirt beneath him leaching out in an ever growing mark.

“Vanitas?” Ventus called dropping to his knees to press a hand under his throat searching for a heart beat and barely finding one.

“Aqua! Aqua help!” He called hoping his friends could hear him over the expanse.

He didn’t know what to do, how to deal with a situation like this one, not when Vanitas was clinging to life by a thread and he was almost afraid to touch him. 

“What happened to you?” Ven murmured surprised as one golden eye cracked open, hazed with pain and barely seeming to register that he was there, “It’s okay, don’t worry, we’ve got you.” He tried to reassure him as Aqua and Terra set down beside him.

None of them seemed okay, too much had happened between them all but right now Ven needed them to put it all aside.

“We need to get him somewhere safe and we need to help him. Please?” Ven asked looking at both his friends and for a moment they hesitated before giving a nod. They could deal with their own issues later, once Vanitas wasn’t so close to death.

Reaching down Terra scooped him up, cradling the smaller teen once again and balancing him so he could carry him on the glider. Not that it was going to be an easy task in the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't believe this fic is still getting attention but it is and you guys have made me want to keep writing it. Even though it's been a while and I have been very busy. I really, really want to finish this fic for you so I'm gonna do my best.


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